You Are My Sun

I - Goodbyes and Hideaways

As she walked into the room of the girl of whom she has come to understand and irrevocably and unknowingly fall for, Clark holds her breath and tightens her fists, but not because she was regretting the decision of doing what was right for her people, no, but for the way her heart betrayed her head, for the way her feelings told her to reconsider her decision for her own pleasure and happiness, for the way she wanted to be selfish and forget all obligations to her people for her, just Lexa.

She wanted to tell the girl so many things, wanted to stay and help her through the hard parts of keeping the 12 clans at peace, and, if she was being honest, to share more moments with Lexa.

She felt safe here. Accepted. Wanted, but not needed, unlike how she felt when she was with her own people, the same people she had killed so many for before, and now she is forced to return to them to make sure she can keep them alive, to potentially run the risk of killing for them again, but she cannot think of that yet, for she was about to tell the girl, who has helped her heal over the past few full moons, that she was running back to her own people yet again.

As the door closed, she moved into the space beside the fur-covered bed. When she made it there, she saw Lexa look around the corner expectedly because no one comes into her room without her invitation, no one except Clark.

Clark holds her breathe impossibly longer when she sees the most breathtaking sight of the Commander, but she was not the Commander in this moment, she was not heda, only Lexa; the 18 year old girl, geniune, honest, and true to her word. A girl that has risked everything for her people, peace, and for Clark, herself.

They shared a moment of silence with eyes locked that said more than a thousand words. That is why she had to come to care for this beautiful girl, she gets and understands Clark without Clark having to say a word.

Lexa is the first to break the silence, "When do you leave?" Lexa asks, as she stops fixing her hair, which was all brushed to one side, twisted and woven together in a beautiful array of dark and light brown strands that complements her soft emerald eyes.

"Now." Clark simply stated, still straining for her breath, "But I just..."

She stopped when she saw Lexa give her a quick nod and wave of her slim, strong, and war-stained hand, "No. You do not have to explain. I knew you would go. That's why I..." Lexa pauses, and turns her head to quickly look back again, and she starts again, "That's why you are you."

Clark gives an understanding nod to to Lexa, but her head was spinning with what Lexa held back just then. She has never been one to go back on her speech like that before. She is always so certain and sure of herself, but in this moment, Clark can see the walls breaking slowly. She is not sure how much more she could look at this vulnerable girl, but she doesn't want to be anywhere else.

Lexa reaches out her strong hand with a determined and hardened face. Clark gets the idea, and reaching for it in an attempt to give her warrior a resounding goodbye.

"Maybe one day neither of us will owe nothing more to our people." Clark states, but she doesn't quite believe in those words herself, especially when Lexa just sadly smiles and nods once with a simple 'Maybe' in reply.

"Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Klark kom Skaikru." Lexa pleads, her resolve failing her, still grasping Clarks forearm with even strength. (May we meet again, Clark of the Sky crew)

"Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Leksa kom Trikru. Heda kom twel krus." Clark replies with just as much affliction in her voice.
(May we meet again, Lexa of the Tree crew. Commander of the 12 clans)

This is it. Dark green eyes look at Clark with such emotion that Clark cannot do anything but to stare back them. She tries to convey just as much feeling as she saw because she felt them, too.

Before she could think further, she allowed her lips to move forward. The other girl's lips were calling to her like when she needed air. It reminded her of that time Anya and her jumped off the cliff in attempt to run away from the Maunon, but she didn't know how to swim so all she could do was look up and ache for air, but she couldn't resurface; that was until Anya saved her soon after she started to sink.

Her breath caught in her lungs. The heat on her cheeks and body was all encompassing when their lips finally meet in a long-awaited meeting.

Clark moves her hand to the back of Lexa's long and beautiful neck and feels Lexa do the same to her before their mouths start to part to open them up to the most passion-filled kiss Clark has ever experienced before.

She literally 'feels' all of who Lexa is in this short-lived kiss, but when they pull away, as if shocked by the electricity that has been building between them these past few months, they are pulled back in as soon as eyes meet again. This is a kiss that is needy, wanting, and aching to let live and to grow.

This one ends with both of them catching their breaths and with Clark pushing Lexa towards the soft, white, and inviting furs of the Commander's bed, of Lexa's bed.

Lexa feels the edge of the bed hit the back of her toned and slim legs, so she takes the idea that Clark is giving her and pulls back to sit on the bed, and if she was being honest with herself, she was thankful because she was shamefully feeling weak in her legs.

No body should make her feel the way Clark makes her feel, even with Costia she never felt anything compared to this, this feeling was unearthly. 'She must go for her people'. Lexa does not want to think losing Clark like she lost Costia, but if she is away from her, she cannot protect her. She cannot lose her too...

Blue met green, and in that moment they would give everything to each other. In this moment, they are infinite and young and equal. As a single heart-wrenching tear cascades from Lexa's eye, Clark knows they will never be the same. They will never let go. They will figure it out together, as one. United. In this moment, she is seeing a side of Lexa no one sees. Not the Commander of the 12 clans, not the heda that spent her life coming up with the coalition every moment of her life instead of growing up care-free with childhood pleasantries. No. This was the strong, intelligent, caring, and hidden deep side of Lexa that was reserved for Clark and Clark alone. Clark's heart soared with compassion and pride at that thought.

Clark leans over Lexa, and leans into a kiss that awakened something less urgent than the first kiss, but more determined and meaningful. This kiss was the extention of the vow that Lexa made to Clark that day on her knees. Swearing alligence to Clark and her people, which was never done by any Commander before Lexa. 

This kiss continued on in the furs, clothes and duties were forgotten, and they were the only ones in their universe. Just for a while, they were no longer leaders of their people with duties, responsibilities, losses, or blood on their hands. No longer heda or wanheda. In this moment they became two girls who only wanted to fulfill the needs of the other.

Well there is that. I hope you enjoyed it. I tried to put in as much emotion as I could in this scene. Still not throughly sure where I am going with it, but then again, this is just a great couple to write about for stress relief and to keep the Clexa dream alive and well. Until we meet again
- CaptainArYeL -