The Air I Breathed in That Morning

The Word

an ode

The Word

I remember The Word well.

The way I turned it away from my kingdom.

The way I saw it as a threat to my government

And had archers positioned around my walls.

I kept my dungeons open in the case of its capture,

So I could leave it for dead

And eliminate it from my train of thought.

I remember The Word well.

I held up a shield to keep The Word away from me.

I held up my double edged sword with my entire life.

Telling myself The Word would only hurt me

And make me weaker than I was.

It would hold me prisoner in my own dungeons.

I remember The Word well.

How it snuck into my castle.

How it snuck passed the guards.

And into my chambers it crept

And it took hold of my hands

And it looked me in the eyes

And it told me to have faith.

I remember The Word well.

I made it my ally

I made it my dearest friend

And followed it into the grand hall of my castle

Where my heart there lay.

It showed me things and opened up my heart a little more.

It sang me a melody that washed all my doubt away

I remember The Word well

It trusted me with its fragile being

It trusted me to have faith in its strength

And for a while I did.

I remember The Word well.

The warmth it tried to convey to me.

The warmth in its touch

Could not melt my frozen heart.

And above my head, I swung through the air

My sword

And struck down The Word.

But before the final blow was set,

The Word gripped on to me

Holding me tight and nailing me to the ground.

It opened up a black hole.

I felt empty: Consumed by The Word

I remember The Word well.

Looking into the hole and seeing my loved ones.

Looking at their arms stretched towards me.

They called out to me and spoke to me

But all in the voice of The Word.

And the temptation became strong.

But I was stubborn

I remember The Word well.

And how I said no to it.

And how I screamed and shouted and pushed it back.

Leaving it in the recesses of my mind to rot.

Letting it become nothing to me.

I kept it prisoner like it did me.

I stripped away its silk and replaced it with armor

Just like it had stripped away all my precious armor and replaced it with silk

A punishment is what it deserved indeed.

I remember The Word well

The realization dawned on me.

The realization that The Word never hurt me.

The word was a comfort

And I had hurt it.

Tired it.

Created delusions of it.

Made it an enemy when there was no enemy in sight.

I had fought a battle

Where no battle could be found.

And I put my sword down.

I remember The Word well

I remember how I held it and I cried.

I remember how I let it go and sighed.

Cherishing every moment it was in sight.

Longing for it and wishing I had never made such a mistake

Watching its scars heal as it walked into another kingdom.

Feeling the tears fall down my face as it seemed content else-where

I remember The Word well.

How it turned around and said to me

"We will once again meet".

And it turned back and continued walking

I remember The Word well.

The way I held the broken pieces of my heart together with one hand.

The way I recreated my fortress walls with the other

And watched my tears water the soil

As my kingdom regrew once more.

I remember The Word well.

And because of that,

Here I sit.

Waiting to once again meet with

The Word.