I would never regret all these beautiful moments that kept me alive.. I was blessed.. I had anything I could wish for.. Only love was denying my right to embrace it, to make it part of me.. And that made me a sinner..
While he’ll be there for me every second, my heart will keep refusing his protection, hiding behind a painful wall, holding me in place.. He was everything one could ever want.. The perfect man.. Yet.. I just couldn’t..
We’ve been together for quite a long time, trying to engrave in our bond that feeling that should have slowly taken form, making our relationship grow stronger, as I always believed it would.. But it didn’t.. I couldn’t… So I was a sinner..
I tried for many times to just step away, but his optimism would bring me back everytime.. His fight was torturing me, cause I knew I wasn’t helping out.. He always said that love will come one day.. Until now.. it didn’t.. I felt I was a sinner..
Even now, he’s still here, protecting me, loving me, asking nothing in return.. Not even my love, although that would make him feel complete.. I was hurting him and he accepted that, continuing to walk by my side, stabbing my heart with his kindness.. I couldn’t repay him enough.. and that made me a sinner..
Why did I keep this attitude? Why didn’t I just let myself accept everything and live peacefully, along with him? Why wasn’t I able to learn little by little to love him?? Why did I think I could do that? Why can’t I?
“What are you thinking at?”
His voice interrupted my soul’s battle with itself, bringing me back in the cozy room.. I could now see myself sitting by the window, watching the little lake protected by dark green soldiers, moving slowly, following the march of a relentless wind..
Me: “When did you came?”
“Just now.. How’s my sweetheart?”
He leaned over, touching my cheek gently with his hair, while wrapping his arms around my neck.. I turned my head to see him, but then lowered it, when he was about to kiss me.. He tried to get over the moment, smiling..
“Where are you, Kai?”
I looked at him when hearing the voice, chuckling at the oh-my face he just made.. He took my hand and we went down in the living room, greeting our friend..
Friend: “There you are!”
Kai: “Hey!”
Friend: “Ah.. how do you guys manage to look so good together everytime?”
Kai: “Two soulmates will always keep shining together..”
Friend: “True… lucky you.. when thinking about my wife.. I don’t see any glow.. not even a tiny sparkle..”
Me: “You’re so mean..”
Friend: “Ha ha.. anyway.. let me tell you why I came by..”
Kai: “Thank God you were kind enough to think about informing us..”
Friend: “Very funny.. I’ve been speaking with the others and we decided to go on a summer trip again, at the same place..”
Kai: “Summer trip?”
Friend: “Yes.. to revive those beautiful moments..”
Me: “You mean the trip when we graduated?”
Friend: “Yep.. since 10 years have passed already.. We should really celebrate.. And that will be the perfect place..”
Kai: “Well.. sounds good.. What do you say, honey?”
Me: “Why not? When are we going?”
Friend: “I’ve contacted the others already.. so.. anytime.. ”
Kai: “Hm.. How about next week?”
Friend: “Great.. I’ll take care of the transport and stuff.. We’ll keep in touch.. Ok.. oh my.. so late.. my wife is probably already waiting for me at the door.. with a pan in her hand that will end up on my head..”
We tried to control ourselves, not letting out the laughter.. After our friend left, we had our dinner, when we kept talking about normal subjects that usually a couple would bring into a conversation..
Few hours later, as he was sleeping beside me, I kept looking at him, or, to be honest, I tried to, so that I’ll not end up thinking about the trip.. We were about to go back there, after 10 years.. I was going to see those places again.. I was going to see that one place… where it all began and ended.
