Made To Be Broken

Tormented And Torn Apart

“I can't help but notice
You look somewhat surprised
Did ya think, son, after what you've done
The Lord would let you slide?”

- Welcome To Hell, TRACE ADKINS

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The large double doors stood propped open. The early morning sunlight blanketed the concrete steps like a royal carpet leading up into the church. Pastor Rick was stationed at the entrance. smiling warmly at the parishioners entering the building, shaking hands, welcoming them to the morning service.

Noble lingered at the foot of the steps. He tugged absently at his tie, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. Though the morning sun had yet to gain heat, he was beginning to sweat. His gaze lifted to the large cross on top of the church. Rays of sunlight cut past it and stabbed into his eyes, causing them to water. He looked away quick as the blinding rays became spears of conviction piercing his soul.

How could he walk in there as if everything were fine? Even if he could put on a convincing face for the people – God would still see the truth.

You don't have to be in a church for God to see the truth. He saw you in the wine cellar, heard you beg another man to kiss you. He was there at Rebecca's parents' home when you accepted Jonah's kiss without resistance – and wanted more.

Noble raked his fingers through his hair. Anxiety gripped him so strong he began to feel dizzy. Just go home. Make an excuse and leave. He pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. His hairline prickled as a strange heat welled up inside him.

Oh god, I'm gonna pass out.

He turned to grab for the railing that ran up the side of the steps – and latched onto an arm instead. His ears were humming as he mumbled - “I'm sorry.” - to the person he'd inadvertently grabbed a hold of. Still he clutched the arm as his equilibrium went haywire.

A strong arm went around him and guided him to the rail where he gripped the cool metal and leaned against it unsteadily.

“You okay?”

The humming in his ears swelled to ringing. He could barely hear the voice. It seemed to be coming from far away, much further than right beside him.

A hand gripped the back of his neck firmly and bent him over a little. “Just take deep breaths. You'll be okay.”

Noble did as instructed and sucked air deep into his lungs until the ringing in his ears abated and his head began to clear.

“Noble?” Rebecca's voice reached him loud and clear, noted with concern. “Noble, what's wrong?”

“He's okay.” The voice had clarity this time. Jonah – speaking from right beside him. “It was just an anxiety attack.”

A tremor ran through Noble when he realized it was Jonah he had grabbed onto.

“I can take it from here.” Rebecca's voice cracked with a brittle tone as she, in not so many words, told Jonah to get lost.

Noble straightened up slowly, still gripping the rail. He glanced discreetly at Jonah as the man backed off without resistance. Their eyes met briefly before Mason and Colleen suddenly appeared.

“What's wrong?” Mason directed his question to Jonah.

“Nothing.” he spoke low. “Just anxiety. He's fine.”

Colleen was next to Rebecca, her hand on Noble's face. He smiled uneasily. “I'm fine. Really.” But his voice felt thick, his throat tight. He didn't feel fine at all. His eyes slipped past Rebecca and her mom to Mason and Jonah.