Made To Be Broken

Who I Am

“And, after all these years of living

I’ve begun to understand

I can try to be like someone else

But it won’t change, no it won’t change

Who I am.”

- God Knows I Tried,  RAY BOLTZ

*  *  *  *

“Remember those walls I built?
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But, I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now.”

- Halo,  BEYONCÉ

______________________________

 “You going to be all right?” Jonah murmured. “You sure you don't want me to stick around?”

 Noble played with the buttons of Jonah's shirt. “I want you to.” he smiled. “But I need to talk to Rebecca alone. Make her try to understand the way things are.”

“Hmm, good luck with that.” Jonah chuckled softly and kissed him, but didn't pull back, drawing Noble deeper into the kiss and his embrace. A slight dizziness swept over him and he held onto Jonah more tightly, their bodies melding, the need for one another quite evident.

“Jonah...” Noble gasped softly, breaking their kiss.

“I know.” Jonah groaned and loosened his hold. “I can't help myself, though.” he smiled and rubbed his lips across Noble's mouth. “It's your fault. You're so damn desirable.”

Shaking his head, Noble laughed quietly then met Jonah's heated gaze. “I want to...be with you, Jonah...I do.” His lips tightened and he glanced down, fingering the man's shirt. “But...I need things settled with Rebecca.”

“I understand.” Jonah laced his fingers against Noble's lower back and held him against him. “It shows you're a man of integrity.” he smiled and nuzzled his ear, “Unlike me...'cause I'd take you right here on the kitchen table if you'd let me, and to hell with anyone else.”

“You are bad.” Noble grinned, not hating the idea himself.

“That's your fault too.” Jonah chuckled and kissed him softly.

“So all your bad behavior is my fault?”

“Indeed.” Jonah murmured. He kissed him again. “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”

Noble shook his head. “You have a lot of brass...asking me out right after you blame me for everything.”

“I know.” Jonah grinned and kissed his neck, nibbling his skin until Noble moaned softly. “So will you?”

Another groan, and Noble dropped his forehead against Jonah's shoulder and smacked his arm lightly, “You don't play fair.” he muttered.

“If I played fair,” Jonah nipped his earlobe. “I might lose.”

Sighing, Noble pressed his face to the man's neck and breathed in his faint scent of cologne. “No you wouldn't.” he whimpered, then laughed softly.

“Well, I'm going to be optimistic here and take that as a yes?”

“Fine.” Noble groaned. “Yes.” He raised his head, pulse quickening and heart swelling at the look of pure joy in Jonah's eyes. Why are you so thrilled to be with me? He wondered honestly, not understanding how someone like himself could incite such...passion and desire in a man like Jonah. A dark cloud hovered over this moment though – he still had to talk to Rebecca. And he had to do it before his dinner date with Jonah. “I need to speak with Rebecca first. I won't feel right about...all this, until I call off the wedding.” Despite everything, he felt a little heartsick at having to tell her. She was trying so hard to ignore the obvious signs that it was over between them, and insist he was just sick and needed to be fixed. But playing along wouldn't do either of them any good. She had to face reality.