Split Me
Side note italics are the spirit (or super ego) and the underlined is the demon (or id) speaking in our minds
My Father looked at me sternly right into my eyes in the cold garage. I nearly died under his gaze. I was only nine. My father found some porn on the computer via a Google Search, I evidently hadn't covered my tracks completely. "Was. It. You. " he demanded. This was a pivotal moment that would change my life forever. I made the wrong choice. I looked him squarely in the eyes "no."
I leaned into another kiss, completely conscious of her against me. She shied back a little, but we both wanted to get as close as possible. We were 16 in my brand new old Camry. We kissed again, deeper this time, then it happened we crossed our moral line. She broke off, I sat back into the driver's seat stunned. Numb I woke up to a slap across my right cheek, it barely hurt. I snapped for a half a second "What was that for!?.. Oh" I slumped forward. Looking down at my steering wheel. Then I felt a hand on my cheek, surprised I looked up at her. "We all make mistakes, maybe we could try again, this time better" she said shooting me a steely look. I perked up a little and went in for another, we both enjoyed every second, then we kissed again. We soon crossed, but then stayed over the line for more than a second this time. We both realized we both snapped at the same time and broke apart quickly. I looked at her tear filled eyes, I went to hug her stumbling out an I'm so sorry. But I couldn't finish, I saw a look of fear on her face.. terror. My heart broke at that moment. It didn't just break, it shattered into a million pieces, bouncing off the ground. She got out of the car and ran off. I leaned back into my seat. I had hurt her, I had scared her, the very opposite thing I was sent here to do. I had class, but I was in no means of handling it right now. I then heard something, I listened closely... "daddy... How could you!? " My heart then shattered to dust, as the vision faded.
I was depressed, and Aiden could tell. I had gotten to six weeks and failed miserably, I'd been beating myself for for days, relapsing on my porn addiction over and over. I was dejected and beaten. He pulled his chair up close to mine toe to toe knee to knee eye to eye. An inch away from literally. "I won't lose again if that's what you're wondering" I calmly stated. "That's very apparent" he shot back. Some of the other boys chuckled at this. "okay then prove it, why won't you lose, why do you fight?" he questioned. "I fight because I love my future wife and kids, and" I looked him dead in the eyes "I'm a man of my word." If Aiden wasn't a psychologist he would've backed up, I saw the fear in his eyes, he almost did, almost. "are you TRULY a man of your word?" he asked deeply while examining me with his scrutinizing eyes. "I am" I fired back. "Then I want you to promise you're girl that you will beat this addiction for the next twelve weeks"
6 weeks later
I lost, again. I sat there crying. I looked around my room. A voice came to my head. "So much for that promise. Look around, look all this shelves, the planes, the Lego's, all those memories, they're just dreams that you didn't achieve." I couldn't help but agree. I looked around and picked up a toy plane, always wanted to be a pilot, I wasn't healthy enough, I picked up a swim cap, thought I found a spot I'd be good at, no, lung problems. I picked up a metallic dragon, always following after my brother, never was much, I picked up a shell, a smile at first, then it quickly faded to a flatline, Vanessa, it never worked out. Lots of memories there, sad and painful. I was worthless, all I did was hurt let down and scared others. It was useless to even try now. I picked up a knife, rainbow blade, blue flames with black background on the hilt. I flicked it open. "All the pain could go away you know" the voice said. "it'd be easy, just a flick some pain, and you'd be gone fading away. "
To be Continued
