Midnight

Farther Down

Fall was approaching fast and I knew that Id have to go back to school soon, I had left Midnight behind for the summer to slowly let him fade away from my mind. It killed me or it already had and after all that happened but I knew I could never hate him. Everyone lies, Everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about so to hang that over his head would be wrong. But I did it anyway.

I didn't go outside in weeks, occasionally I would see the all to familiar black trench coat at my door and asking my mother where I was but she knew how I felt and did her best to keep him away. I sometimes felt him staring at me from my window at night but he would just watch with a tear stained face and go away.

With my father gone I came to realize that I didn't need a guy or anyone for that matter, all I needed was myself but that didn't stop the aching and pain I feel. I just had to face it, I was nothing to him. Plane and simple.
 
  I take a look around my room and gather some clothes that was mostly gray sweatpants and my dads collage hoodie and headed into the bathroom. I closed the door and locked it, I looked in the mirror for a moment and noticed the makeup that I had attempted to wear some day stream down my face like a dark waterfall. It only reminded me of the art gallery Midnight took me to. I wiped my face forcefully and turned on the shower. I stripped down and stepped inside. I felt the warm water hit my hair and run down to my face. I put my hands above me and cried as the pain had slowly came back to me.

I don't break down, its not something I do. Tough girls don't cry, but in this Im porcelain that just kissed a hardwood floor and Im shattering. I let the water kiss my arms and legs, basically everything that felt broken. I jumped at the sound of my mom knocking on the door "Jessica, honey are you alright. You've been in there
for an hour" Alright. Alright was something I don't think I'll ever be again.

Alright

was something you are whenever you get hurt but not when you get destroyed. I step out of the shower and dry off my body. I dress myself and walk to the mirror, I wipe the steam of and look at my reflection. I wish the fog would hurry up and take the place of my reflection because I feel ugly and worthless.

I dry my hair and open the bathroom door, the cold air hits my face and I feel the chill bumps take over my arm. I look both ways and retreat to my room, slowly closing the door. I collapse on my bed and turn to look at my opened window, I start to remember all the times Midnight had climbed through the window and made promises that he broke and how his voice of velvet is getting harder and harder to remember. I got up and closed the window only to cry my way back to bed. I curled up into a ball and closed my eyes, letting sleep take over. I didn't sleep much anymore but then again I didn't do much of anything anymore.
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I woke up around eight and went downstairs to find my mom curled on the couch watching episodes of Days of Our Lives. I slowly began to walk and jumped at the sound of her voice "Jessie" I looked at her "Mom" she motioned her arms for me to come over there but I shook my head and just stood there. "Jessie theres um this envelope that was in the door when I came home, I didn't read it but it has your name on it" I slowly walked over and retrieved the white envelope out of her shaking hands, something she did a lot when she cried. I turned around, forgetting what I came into the kitchen for and headed back up to my room.

  Turning on the lamp on my desk I sit down and hesitated on opening it "Throw it in the trash" I whisper but my hand was already tearing into it and pulling out the chunk of note- book paper that was crammed inside. I sighed and slowly unfolded the paper and began to read.

"Dear Jessica, there are a lot of things on you mind right now and I know I pushed you away. Im sorry, thats not gonna be enough but its all I can manage to choke out at the moment. I buried my pride deep enough to write this and hopefully you can breathe easier knowing you have some sort of explanation. First things first, you are something to me and telling you that we were nothing was a mistake. Your everything to me and Id give anything to be able to take your pain that I caused away. I love you, no one has ever made me feel the way you have. The girl at the drive in was someone I gave my heart to before I met you, seeing her brought back memories and I thought that I still loved her but I only came to realize that I love you. I paint your face all the time, I can't sleep, I can't eat. I need you Jess I really need you because the thought of you with anyone else makes me angry, I'll die if anyone got to kiss you. let alone touch you. I need to hear your voice, see your eyes and put that little strand of hair behind your ears. My arms are burning to touch you. Jesus Jess, this would be the first time in weeks that Ive talked to you and I can't find any words to tell you how I feel. When you left you took all of me with you. And you left the actual me. Declan, Declan Anthony Grey.

  I read the letter and felt the tears stream down my face "Declan" I laughed and cried "His name was Declan Grey" nothing sounded better to fit him than Declan. I pressed the papers to my chest and walked to my bed and knelt down searching for the box I had shoved under it years ago for when I hid thing from my mom. I opened it up and put the letter in it and closed it tightly before putting it back under the bed. I began to cry but this time I wasn't sad I was laughing out of joy. I looked over to my wall of quotes and pin pointed the one that spoke the most "Don't cry because its over, smile because it happened" Midnight and me did happen and I never will regret it. This wasn't the story of my life on how the boy gets the girl. No it was about the boy that showed the girl that beauty is buried within.