Jessica vs. The Jerk

34. Girl in progress

'Jessica.'

I'm early for Film class and I bury my head in my Anthropology textbook, pretending not to hear him. Around me, I can feel eyes watching us, and I know my classmates are already making up stories in their heads.

Why is he talking to her? I talk to everyone. No big deal.

Why is she ignoring him? Because I hate him.

Why is he still there? I don't care. I wish he'd go away.

Do you think he likes her? I used to think so. Not anymore.

I would DIE if he said hi to me. Kill me now.

Why does he smell so good?

My head snaps up when I realise Jonah has taken the seat next to me. Dan's seat. I send him what feels like a panicked glance, but he's not even looking at me. He's just sitting there, textbook open, his knee no more than five inches away from mine, so close I can smell his shampoo and the laundry detergent used to wash his uniform.

He's invading my personal space, and I want to cry because it's not fair that I have to put up with him when I just want to be left alone.

I grit my teeth; very deliberately, I put on my earbuds, plug them into my cell phone, and turn the volume up. I can't concentrate on my homework anymore, but the music drowns out my own thoughts, which at this moment are eating me up with unbearable feelings.

After a while, I feel a shift in the air beside me, and I almost breathe a sigh of relief that he's finally given up. But it's short-lived when a piece of notepaper slides into my field of vision.

I'm sorry. I stuffed up.

Wow. An apology. Completely useless, but no less devastating. I notice he doesn't mention anything about his girlfriend. I have so much anger inside me that I pick up the note, with its neatly torn edges and fat letters, and look Jonah straight in the eye as I tear it slowly and deliberately until all that's left is a small pile of confetti, which I carefully push toward his side of the table.

He says nothing, but he doesn't break eye contact, and even that is devastating.

'Hey, Jessie!' Madeline, the senior track athlete -- the one who usually sits next to Jonah in Film class -- stops by our desk. My desk.

'Hey,' I reply distractedly, forcing myself to look away from Jonah.

'I've been looking everywhere for you!' Now I'm really distracted because aside from the occasional conversation in passing, we barely know each other and now she's placing her arm on my shoulder and acting like we're best friends.

'What are you doing Maddie?' Jonah's tone is skeptical, but Madeline returns his scowl with a cheerful smile.

'I promised to talk to Jessie about the track team, and I've been looking everywhere for her!'

'Maddie, stay out of it.' Jonah's voice is a low growl, and I hate that my heart jumps and not out of fear.

'Jon-ass...' she drawls playfully, though it doesn't escape anyone's notice that she has managed to insinuate herself between me and Jonah. She faces him head on, arms folded, and I take advantage of the small bit of privacy as I snap my books shut and stuff my things into my bag, grateful for the excuse to avoid Jonah's stare. 'Don't be a dick.'

Well. That's pretty clear. I would have laughed if I weren't so stressed out. Instead, I pick up my bag and follow Maddie to her seat. Which means I'm sitting in Jonah's seat.

'Are you okay?'

I can't bear her pity, I just can't. 'I'm fine.' My voice comes out sharper than normal, and I'm a little ashamed. She saved me from the most awkward moment of my life, and it's not her fault that my life is a mess and I'm on the brink of tears every five minutes.