Torn: A Markiplier x Reader Fanfiction

Author's Note

Hello, my lovely readers. So, recently a lot of shit has been going on in my life. I don't really talk about my personal life with you guys, but I feel that this needs to be shared because it has and will affect my writing, as well as my life and who I am as a person.

In February, my Grandfather was diagnosed with stage 4 multiple myeloma. For those of you who don't know, multiple myeloma is a type of cancer that affects your blood and blood cells and it basically spreads throughout your whole body and can affect vital organs, such as the kidney, liver, etc. I am very very very very very close with my grandfather and I was devastated by this news. At one point he was in and out of going to the hospital and the E.R. That lasted about a month and I was on the verge of paranoia, thinking that he would be gone soon and that I wouldn't have gotten to say goodbye. It's been rough on me. I sit in class and think about him 24/7. I was afraid that one day he would go to hospital and then I would never see him again. Since February, I have been in and out of this weird state of depression. There are days when I don't want to get out of bed, and there are days when I feel like I'm on top of the world. Right now, my grandfather is doing well and he is stable. He hasn't been in the hospital in almost 3 weeks and it is one of the biggest blessings to see him sit at my brother's baseball games and walk around and have a smile on his face. Unfortunately, I know that he does not have a lot of time with me on this Earth. I also know that this depressive state that I am going through will eventually get worse. I used to not believe in being depressed. I believe that I should suck it up and deal with whatever is going on. I guess that's because I grew up in a household where we just hold in everything and suck it up. I do that a lot: I hold in my emotions and then, when I can't hold them any longer, I explode.

It sucks to have to deal with this. But, I am managing to put on a brave face and think more positive then I used to. I am able to fake a smile when I'm feeling low, and I am able to mask away the pain. However, due to all of this, I know that my writing will be a little bit of an in and out thing. I know that some days my writing will seem depressing or just short. I will try my best to write positively and long for you all. I just wanted to let you all know what I am going through. I hope you guys understand what I mean by this and that you guys can help me get through this time. Thank you all for reading, my wonderful readers, and God Bless.

Love, Brianne