Slipping Away

Chapter 10

Days slipped past, and it was soon four and a half weeks since I had been knocked down by the car. Liam told me what had happened afterwards, how the police turned up and the driver was taken away to be questioned. He was later charged with drink driving and driving without insurance, and was given  a six month prison sentence and a large fine. According to Liam, the story had been all over the local newspapers, the truthful, sensible story in the 'Easton Gazette' and the stupid, over-exaggerated story in the 'Big Newsflash'. Liam bought both of them with him when he visited and read me the stories. I remembered why I had only ever bought the 'Big Newsflash' once in my life.

The world went on without me, and I was soon well into my fifth week of my coma. It looks a bit like 'comma' when you write  it down. I hoped mine is only a comma, not a full stop. I wasn't scared of the full stop itself, just of what I would leave behind.

The next time Liam visited, he was very quiet. There was obviously something troubling him. He sat there in silence for a while. Then he broke the awkward silence. "I think there's something you should know ..." He murmured, a hint of pain and anger in his voice. "Your ... your mum says ... she says ... she says that she wants to turn off your life support. She thinks you’re a goner and that it's cruel to keep going. She thinks that you'll be different when you come out of your coma. I heard her talking to the doctor about it. He said that they would keep going another week and then review you to see whether you're ... still there. You mustn't worry about it, you hear me? I'm sorry to have to say this, and don't be offended, but your mother is being an idiot. I know that you're still there, trying to get out. I'll fight for you, as long as you promise to fight for yourself as well. I know you're already trying your hardest, but keep trying. Don't listen to her. You're staying right here with me, just the way we wanted it." So that was what the doctors had been going out to talk about. All this time, Mum had wanted to leave me alone and let me die. That was when I really hated her. How could she do this to her daughter? I was still alive, awake in my head, fighting to get out, and there she was saying that she wanted to turn my life support off because it would be cruel to keep me going. In my opinion, it would be cruel to turn off my life support. Liam stroked my cheek and reassured me. We sat there in silence for a while, words not necessary. He was just about my only visitor anymore, and the only person who had truly stuck by me. School had started several weeks ago, and judging by Liam's descriptions, all of my friends had forgotten about me, made knew friends and talked about me behind my back. My sailing club had organised a load of races without me. Even my family had given up on me. My dad never visited me, not once, and I began to wonder whether he had broken up with Mum. Whatever, I didn't care about them anymore. All I cared about was waking up for Liam. He needed me; he hadn't turned his back on me. Our love was unbreakable. I knew he missed school to come and see me, he missed time with his family, he didn't sleep so he could be with me. How could I ever repay him? Answer: I couldn't.

Days fell through my fingers like sand, trickling on endlessly. The longer I lay here, the less likely it was that I would wake up. I hoped, begged that I would pull through. I reached the six-week mark. Three days to go until the doctors 'reviewed' me. Liam was unusually tense and nervy. His voice became jumpy and his old stammer returned, just like it did when he was really nervous or upset. He had it permanently when he was younger, but he mostly grew out of it. Now he only had it when he was excessively nervous, worried or depressed. Things must be bad. Mum stopped coming to see me altogether and Liam visited for longer than ever before. Perhaps he was bracing himself for a long battle with the idiots that were my parents. Perhaps he was trying to prepare himself for the worst: what would happen if he lost the fight and they turned me off. I knew he wouldn't let me down, but even so, I was apprehensive. What did you expect? I could be nearing my last hour, minute, second on this planet. I wasn't exactly going to be jumping for joy or having a mental party was I? Neither was Liam. He got quieter and quieter, jumpier and jumpier. He obviously thought that he was going to lose me. I didn't know what the doctors thought. I don't think anybody did. Perhaps Mum did. She didn't deserve to be my mum. I know longer counted myself as the daughter of that woman. I knew I could never look her in the eye again. I couldn't, wouldn't, live or speak with her for the rest of my life. Liam would understand.