A Little To Much

Act like you love me

I laid outside on the trampoline listening to Shawn Mendes, just thinking of all the memories that would not get out of my head. In my head I thought I had someone but nope now I'm single again. My first someone and they are gone. The words Shawn was singing connected to me so well as if Shawn knew what I was going through. Tears rolled down my face as I was thinking of my heartache inside me. Was this what I was supposed to feel after someone who didnt want me anymore broke my heart and why was I?

Oh sorry hi I'm jasmine, let me take you back to how it got to this stupid heartbreak and why I'm listening to Shawn on my trampoline.

This guy found me on Instagram from me commenting on my friends Instagram. He knew my friend and I was curious to why he followed me so I messaged him but no answer. On Facebook he added me as a friend and I thought that was weird so I messaged him on there to see why he followed me. He replied and said hi and from then we started talking and he told me I was pretty and he liked me. You know how this goes you meet the person, talk, he ask you out all cute and then you date well that's what happened. I got asked out out on Valentines day (chessy cute right) well Valentines day is my fav holiday because i love being all in love with someone and stuff even if I have never had someone to be all in love with. It happened at Red lobster (my favorite restaurant) with a note saying will you be my girlfriend and I said yes. My first boyfriend at age 20 like what the heck this must be a gift from the heavens. Well I dated him and things were great from my point of view till my then boyfriend was leaving back home for summer vacation to be with family. This is where this rollercoaster does its first drop. Fighting started to happen over little things and i had no idea why. I would ask to talk on the phone and it would get rescheduled to a new day because he would get busy with family or couldn't talk. If we did talk it would be just like this...

Him: hi what's up?
Me: nothing much
Him: that's cool
(Me talking a little about something)
Then (silence for a while)
Him: do you wanna just keep texting?
Me: sure I guess
Him: ok bye then
(click)

I didn't think much of this just that I was getting mad at him for not talking to me when I would ask. Other stuff was happening such as him getting mad at me posting things about artist I liked, for example hunter hayes. I love him and he posted a picture saying caption this and I reposted saying handsome that's what I would caption this and my ex sent me a screenshot asking what my post was about and that his mom and best friend asked him about it and I said you know I like him it's not like I'm going to leave you for him and he said well its disrespectful and I don't do that to you. I would post about Brett Eldredge and Shawn and every artist I loved and thought was handsome cause we all know they are pretty handsome 😏 but to him that was disrespectful and he was getting mad at me for it.

To end my long story of this heartbreak and relationship we got to the end of June and he said he needed to give 100% attention on his family because he doesn't get to see them a lot and we wants to spend all his time on them. He said he wasn't gonna talk to me for a month and then when he got back we could talk. I asked him if we could talk on the phone everyday for just 5-10 mins and he said he hangs out with his brothers all day and when would have time he is so busy. So he wasn't gonna have time for me and I was already feeling like I was being pushed aside and not cared for when he would say I wasn't and he did care. I didn't know what to do and it so happened that my family was having a talk outside just about whatever and I brought it up and they told me how they don't like how he treats me and that I am worth more than how I am being treated right now. I asked to talk to him on the phone and I explained everything I told my family and what they said and how I was feeling and to him he thought I was saying what my parents were feeling not what I was feeling which wasn't the case. During the call it went like this.

Him: you don't understand I don't get to see my family as much as you do and I want to give them 100% attention and time to them cause I only have a month left
Me: I kind of do understand when I leave my family for trips I miss them
Him: no you don't understand
Me: ok then
Him: well what do you want to do?
Me: well I don't wanna lose you I love how we are and how we love country music and I can talk to you about whatever
(Silence)
Him: so what do you wanna do?
Me: I don't wanna lose you
(Silence)
Me: what do you wanna do
Him: well I think we should see other people, don't worry you will find someone
Me: (silent)
Him: are you ok?
Me: no but whatever
Him: it will get better jasmine
Me: ya
Him: ok well bye
Me: bye

(Knowing what I know now and after thinking about this call im like why isn't he saying what he loves about me I'm saying what I love about him and he is just asking what i want to do as if to say you break us up so i don't have to)

After that call I didn't know what I was feeling because what just happened didn't feel like it had happened. I walked downstairs and I just looked at my mom and she said what happened and I just started to cry and she hugged me and said oh jasmine I'm sorry. The rest of that day I was ok because it didn't feel like someone who I loved had broken my heart. I felt sad inside but it hadn't hit me hard yet. The rest of that day I was fine and I had only cry when my mom asked what happened after I was ok and I had no idea why. The next day is when it all hit me and boy did it hit me hard. I was laying on the couch and my mom asked if I was ok and I just felt tears stream down my face and I could do nothing to hold it back. I just let it all out and i knew it wasn't gonna be the same anymore that this person had really broken my heart into what felt like a thousand pieces. The days after I felt so empty inside like a piece on my puzzle was missing and I didn't know what to do. Things I did or songs I heard brought back the memories and made me miss them all especially the person I had those memories with. Drives to school where the worst because I would hear a country song and he would pop into my head and I tried to not cry or think of him but I had no idea how to get him out of my head its like he was stuck there.

Ok bad idea coming up after me crying and being so dead inside. I wanted to see him to give him a hat back I had of his but he said it wouldn't be a good idea to see him and that I needed to move on like he was trying to do. I cried so hard it was like he didn't want me or want to try to make things work. I said I just wanted to see him it would help me and he said no I needed to try to find someone new and move on. I felt dumb for trying and thinking maybe he would want me or maybe I could see him and that will make him want me again and him seeing will make him miss me. that wasn't what happened in my case because he told me to move on but I felt like I couldn't and didn't want to. Couldn't he just act like he loved me so I could be happy again. Well I guess not...