Green Is The Warmest Color

XXIV.

Camila's POV 

"It's Lauren, isn't it?" Austin's voice seems like an echo from afar. My eyes focus on his shirt, on his shaky hands that seem to settle themselves on his knees, on the bench near the end of the street under the lone tree. My eyes focus on everywhere but his face; specifically his eyes. "I used to believe that it's her... but somewhere in my mind says no. It's impossible. S-she can't be... she can't be the one I'm g-going to compete with." He shakes his head like this is all a dream, that all this talk isn't happening and it's time for my eyes to focus on his. I wanted to say it is her. I wanted to say it's always been her. 

I put my hand on top of his. "A-austin." I say rather nervous and questioning.

"No it's okay!" He announces too sudden. "I don't care. I won't label you. People will tell you're gay or lesbian and all but I don't care. I don't care Camila... you can like whoever you want to like." I want to hug him; I want to tell him no, this is not okay. This isn't all okay because I don't know what I truly feel too. I'm confused and it's not okay.

I found my voice. "I d-don't like... I don't like her." I sigh heavily after telling him. He looks at me surprised and curious, he has a lot of questions, he can throw them all to my face. He deserves it. I dragged him along into this mess and there's no way I'm not the one to blame. "It's c-complicated." I add.

He smiles and his gaze falls upon my phone that's trapped in my hand. "You can tell me. I'm your friend Camila. I won't judge you. I liked you then and I promise I still like you now. There's nothing that can change that." I can feel tears welling upon my eyes and I look away from him. The way he says things feels like an assurance and it's never felt so good before. "It's okay for girls to like girls. You can control your feelings yes, but you can't choose the person your heart will beat for. Just like me and you. My heart chose you and even you can't feel the same, my heart still beats for you. Funny isn't it?" He stops abruptly on tapping and making sure he's comforting me with a hand on my back and tilts my chin up so I'm straightly looking at him. "Your phone says it all. Reminds me that I should apologize, but curiosity got the best of me." He chuckles and this time I don't try to stop myself. I embrace my arms around him as I feel the familiar warmth of friendship.

"The way you look at her is unexplainable; you look at her like she's not just a precious gem. You look at her in full awe like she's priceless and she's the most amazing person on earth." Austin explains while I bury my neck on his to keep my head low and the tears that are streaming down from my eyes. "It makes me feel jealous. The way you look at her is the way I look at you and you don't know how many times I've wished for you to look at me that way." He says in between bitter laughter. "I like you so much I'm letting you go." He remains his trembling hands placed around my back, caressing it like I'm the one who's in pain and not him. He lets go of our hug and he hands me his handkerchief to wipe the tears away from my eyes. "Don't cry so much I feel bad." I laugh at his remark on being humorous.

My phone has a secret folder that contains all the pictures I took of Lauren when she wasn't staring at me, or when she was totally unaware of her surroundings. There was a picture of her laughing with our group of friends which consists of Dinah, Ally and Normani. There was also a picture of her buying us coffee and sandwiches at the cafeteria. My favorite picture of her was when she was reading a book while her earphones are stuck in her ears. It was like she was into the music as much as she was into the words engraved in the book. There was also a picture of her sleeping around the corner in the library, as much as I would like to be lost into her green eyes, she looked such a puppy. I didn't even know it was happening and slowly turning into a habit until I noticed that the folder already almost reached a hundred candid and stolen shots of her. Whenever I took a picture of her, it secretly made me smile and warmed my heart. I also made sure that no one was around to see what I was doing especially one of our friends because I wasn't ready. I don't know what I wasn't ready for but tonight, Austin made sure I realized what it was and what it always has been.