The Ways We Become Undone [ON HOLD]

Chapter Seven

IT HAPPENED a week after I got discharged from the hospital on a full moon night. Due to Dad’s orders, I was locked up in my room and not allowed to do anything except lay in bed all day and go to school, which didn’t really make sense to me because I could walk and do regular activities easily. I just couldn’t use my left arm. Go figure.

 

I remember that night clearly. I had been reading Miss Julie, by August Strindberg, a play that I vowed I would never again read because of the way it set flames to my feminist convictions. And after that night, I stayed true to my word.

 

I was at the end of the play, where Jean hands his razor to Miss Julie, telling her to go out to the barn and sweep—ultimately leading to her suicide. It was at that moment I received the perturbing text. My phone vibrated relentlessly as I searched it out from under the covers until I finally got hold of it. My eyes widened as I read the message.

 

What will you do if I disappeared?

 

I was shocked because after the incident at the hospital, Sebastian didn’t talk to me once and nor did I see him at school, since he was taken out of my Chemistry class in order to follow the terms on the restraining order. 

 

I was also confused though, because not only was this the first thing he had said to me all week—and that too in SMS form—but I had no idea what it meant. I remember thinking that maybe he was just trying to get my attention. I also remember tossing my phone to the side after that thought, thinking it was nothing.

 

But as I continued to read, I couldn’t get myself to focus. His message was still swimming somewhere in the back of my mind. It was reminding me of something crucial, like if I didn’t do something soon it would be too late.

 

I knew Sebastian had problems. And it wasn’t just me, everyone knew. And we knew that before he nearly scorched me alive. The kid was going to the counselor’s office once or twice every week. He was a disturbed boy that was almost always injured…And then there were also the rumors I had heard lingering in the hallways at school. I wasn’t one to pay attention to rumors, but at that time while I sat in bed trying to think of what to do, the rumors made me feel more troubled.

 

What if it did turn out to be too late?

 

I checked the time. It was exactly midnight and the full moon was illuminating its brightest glow in the sky. I picked up my phone and decided to text him back, to which I ended up getting no response. Then I decided to try calling him—once, twice, five times I called him but to no avail. I remember thinking, what the hell was I doing? This is what he wanted. He wanted me to care.

 

And care I did.

 

I will never understand why I took such a drastic measure and snuck out of the house that night. But looking back at it now, part of me felt alleviated that I had gone; even if it did result in being forever scarred for life.

 

I remember tip-toeing down the stairs, holding my dirty converse in one hand and my spare house key in the other. I jumped from the third step down; avoiding the damned noisy second step that would creak very loud, making it sound like the whole house was coming alive.