Dear Mama,
Hi Mama! Do you know me? Maybe not. Well let me introduce myself first, I am UNNAMED. Sounds like a Muslim's name right? But no Mama, I'm not. My name ins UNNAMED because I'm not born yet. I'm still a little bit tiny mass of blood. But Mama, can you hear my heartbeat? It sounds like TUG-TUG-TUG-TUG. I'm alive Mama! I'm alive! Isn't that wonderful Mama? But Mama, why can I hear you cry at night? You're suppose to be happy,right Mama? You and Papa. I'm supposed to hear laughters ut why is that all I can hear are loud voices and arguments of you and Papa? Why do you want me gone Mama? Papa doesn't want me to be gone. Papa loves me, but why don't you love me Mama? I was born out of love. Your love for Papa and Papa's love for you. I heard Papa shout at you not to do a ad thing to me and I can feel that you nodded. I was happy Mama! You love me! I fell asleep with a guarantee that you won't harm me. I know you love me , Mama :)
I woke from my deep sleep. And I heard you talk to yourself,
"I don't want you. Nobody will ever want you. You shall die."
And then I felt your hand, touching me in your tummy. I can feel your anger and hatred. Why Mama? Why? Why don't you want me?Why? I cried but you can't hear or feel me either. I wanna beg for help but Papa isn't here to save me. No one elses is here to stop you.
You went out and went to a dark scary place. I hear nothing but dead silence.
Mama! I'm afraid! Let's get out of here Mama! Can you hear me Mama? Mama! Why aren't you answering me??
Ouch ! Mama! What was that! It hurts! It burns! That thing hurts! Please stop it, make it stop please Mama I'm begging you!
Mama? I can also hear you cry in pain. Mama! Mama? Are you okay? Mama! Answer me Mama! I shouted out loud, I heard nothing but strange sounds of steels. I heard a voice asking if you want to continue. I was hoping you'd say NO but to my horror you said YES.
I cried and cried. I can't do anything to make you stop. You hated me that much , Mama?
Mama? Is this really what you want? Then I can't do anything anymore. I shall wait for my death.
But wait Mama, remember that night when you learned that your pregnant with me? You're so happy that you screamed and cried . You waited for Papa that night, when he arrived he was with a woman.
You were shocked,hatred and angred swept to your heart. That night you learned that he was already married and he fooled you.
He used you Mama. He used you.
From then on, you started hating me. You wanted me dead. You don't want me anymore.
Only Papa wants me. He only wants me not you, Mama. That made you more angry because Papa only wants me.
But you never want him to know your evil plan. To abort me.
Mama, I can feel it. My end is near. Mama, please take care of yourself. I don't want you to get hurt. I may not see the light of the world but I'm happy that for a short period of time, I felt your love.
Mama, I can hardly breath . Mama, I love you. Please kiss Papa for me. If someday I'll have siblings, please tell them how much I love them. Mama, I won't ever hate you. I'll be your guardin angel ,Mama. I'll always look out for you.
I love you Mama :)
FOREVER :)
Loving you always,
UNNAMED
