The Boy Next Door > jariana (ON HOLD)

three

Ariana

A week later, I sat nervously at the kitchen counter, taking stealthy glances at my mom while she prepared dinner as I pretended to study. I'd decided to tell her first, to feel the whole thing out. Well, it wouldn't be feeling it out. It would be going in the back door, avoiding my dad. I closed my Calculus book and pushed away from the counter.

"Do you need any help?" I offered. My mom was cooking spaghetti sauce, with whole tomatoes that stewed all day. She'd gotten into cooking right around the time of my Justin meltdown. She was tediously chopping away at an onion, blinking and wiping away tears with the back of her hand. "Why do onions make you cry? I think it's the craziest thing," I said, feeling lame about making small talk.

My mom stopped chopping and laid the knife down on her wooden cutting board, blinking three more times. "Ariana, what is it that you want?" She turned and stepped to the sink, rinsing her hands under the water.

I sighed and got light-headed. Here it goes. "I have to tell you something, and there's no other way to say it, other than to just say it."

My mother turned ashen and looked like she was going to pass out. "Please, don't tell me you're pregnant." Her words rushed out so fast and urgent it took me a second to comprehend what she'd said.

"No!" I practically screamed. My mother grabbed the kitchen counter to steady herself and I rushed to her side, grabbing her elbow. "Oh my God, Mom, no! That's not it. I swear."

She gulped and closed her eyes. She was reacting this way because of my sister, Allison. My mom didn't know that I knew my sister had gotten pregnant when she was still in high school and how it almost killed her. She didn't know Allison told me in an attempt to dissuade me from dating Justin when I was a freshman, fearing history would repeat itself with me.

My mother looked so much smaller than me in that instant. My heart cracked a little, knowing how much I'd put her through with the whole Justin thing. And now I was about to start again. I contemplated not going forward with telling her of my plans, but concluded I had to get it over with. I was nearly an adult, and needed to act like one.

She shook her head and smiled at me softly, squeezing my hand. "Ariana," she said quietly and paused. Her mouth hinged open, about to say more.

"Mom, I already know," I blurted out. She just stared at me, unblinking, and her eyes began to pool with tears. "Hey, it's nothing to get all emotional about, Mom. I'm a big girl and it was a long time ago. Allison told me years ago, and we don't need to talk about it." I wanted to make her feel better. "She's about to graduate college, Kyle is practically married, and we're all okay. Stop it," I said, trying to reassure her that she'd done a great job raising all of us.

She sighed deeply, nodding. "It's my worst nightmare, Ariana. I don't know why Allison's situation popped in my head. I guess it was your tone...and your approach." She took a deep breath. "What is it that you wanted to say then?" She forced a happy face and patted my hand and released it.

It was my turn to sigh in an attempt to exert my built up anxiety. "Well. Justin and I have been talking, for a while now...again."

She nodded at me in understanding and held my stare for a moment longer—she wasn't surprised at all. Huh? "I kind of figured that because of the Justin updates." She reached for her glass of wine and took a huge gulp. "And is he coming home soon?"

You're gonna only wish it was that simple, I thought. "And I'm planning on visiting him in London after my birthday."

Her eyebrows rose high on her forehead. "I see." She knocked back the rest of her wine in an instant and licked her lips. Her eyes bounced around my face. "I'm not really sure what to say about this, Ariana. Your father won't be happy to hear this."