Big Boys Don't Cry - The Outsiders

Nine

September 1964,

Tulsa,

As hard as what I was about to say was to spit out, it would bring truth and this is what I needed, truth was valuable - it was the foundation of all strong things. Perhaps it would be the foundation of a new friendship. But I was too forward thinking. Dallas ushered me over to a corner, away from the judgement of the rest of the boys.

"Well?" He pressed. His arm against a tree that I had been hiding behind, his tall frame hanging over me.

"I twisted things slightly." I started, "I said that you were harassing me and that I only went with you to New York because I was scared of you - that isn't true though." I folded my arms over my chest - the night had a chill to it and this jacket was offering no warmth. "Now the guys think they're going to jump you or some shit like that; what I told them is a good excuse for a fight." Dallas' flat facial expression told me he wasn't too phased about a bunch of socs chasing him down for some kind of rumble. "Maybe it was selfish of me, but I did it because Frank and Bob were going to tell my dad and then he'd come after you for sure. I'd rather you have little rough and tumble then get put behind bars for however long my Daddy wants to keep you there, because we both know that would be a long time."

I was trying to reason with him, but by the time I'd finished my plea: he wasn't even facing me. Instead looking into the distance. His eyes were sad , for once he looked so vulnerable. I couldn't quite make out what he was about to say.

"Man, I guess I gotta get used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Chicks screwing me over anyway they can, all the time!" He flung up his hands in frustration and kicked up a haze of dry stones and dust from the ground that had been sheltered by the trees. "First Sylvia, two-timin' on me and now you."

"Well, I'm sorry..." I began sniffling again, I could feel myself welling up and I could feel Dallas' eyes rolling endlessly into the back of his head, "Because saving my ass from my dad isn't worth losing someone like you." His brooding features whipped around as I said it: a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Golly Valerie. I ain't too sure about this." He looked uneasy, he rubbed his thumb against his chin. The anger in his eyes had mellowed, like the roaring flame that once burned within him had continued to dwindle as our conversation went on. He spoke with patience - there was no frustration left in his tone, only a calm seriousness that seemed to frighten me more than his anger. "I accept your apology..but don't go saying you got feelings for me. We only known each other for a month and you ain't seen the worst of me yet babe." It sounded like a warning

For the first time, we gazed into each other's eyes when we spoke. This led me to believe that our feelings mirrored, maybe Dallas liked me. Maybe he was frightened too. We were so different, but trying to imagine a life without Dallas' devious yet charming ways seemed like just surviving. I wanted to see the worst of him, I had to let him know that I was willing to be there through his darkest moments in order to live his best - somehow his flashing, changes of mood told me there was more to him than the eye of a stranger could know.

"I don't think anything could taint my feelings for y-"

"Stop it! Stop talking all this sappy crap. I ain't no good for you and that's it. The East and West don't mix, all it's gonna' do is cause trouble like it already has doll." He'd hoped that this would end the conversation - he knew he was hurting me and I could see that it pained him too. He left the conversation before he exploded and let his feelings get in the way again; walking away with his hands shoved tightly into his pockets, I could see them balling into fists and clenching through the thick material of his jacket.