Haikyuu Oneshots

Terushima : Sex Jokes

A/N : This is not a lemon but there are loads of sex jokes

You were outside waiting for Hinata to come back with whatever he forgot inside. A few minutes past and he didn't come out so you told the team that you'd go look for him. You found Hinata with Shimizu and a tall boy with an undercut bothering them. He was scaring Hinata so you decided to step in.

"Do you mind leaving my senpai and kohai alone shit face." He looked at you and smirked before replying. "Wow you talk big for someone with such a small mouth." You rolled your eyes. You weren't going to let this guy beat you.

"I have a small mouth to make tiny dicks like yours seem big." You could hear Hinata trying to hold in this laughter. The too of you glared at each other and were having a silent argument. Oh~ so you want to go! Is what his glare was saying.
Bring it on pretty boy!

His smirk turned into a grin and he stepped a bit closer. "Speaking of big, nice tits." You froze since, even after he said that, he was still staring down. "If you're going to be a pig at lease be accurate. I have fantastic breasts."

He blinked a few times, somewhat shocked at your comeback. This girl's weird...
"Umm (y/n)-senpai maybe we should go." Hinata said from behind you.
"I'm winning this even if it takes all day." Hinata and Shimizu decided to stay just encase anything happened to you.

"Where were we? Oh yeah! Your 'fantastic breasts'. I'll need to see some evidence to prove what you're saying is true. How about it. I already have the F, C and K. All I need is U."
"Really? Because I have the B,Y and E. So I don't need U."

"I was gunna tell you a joke about my dick but it's too long." He said and shrugged. There's no way she's gunna have a comeback to that.
"Oh really. I was gunna tell you a joke about my virgina but you'll never get it."

(O-O) well damn

You smirked and flicked his forehead. "I win." You turned around to Hinata and Shimizu. "Come on guys. Let's go before the other take all the good seats on the bus."
"If you want somewhere to sit, sit on my face." I've got her now.
"Your nose is bigger than your dick!! Actually I'm not surprised." You walk away with Hinata and Shimizu. "Kazuma, who was that?" Terushima looked at his team mate. "That was Karasuno's 2nd year manager (l/n) (y/n)." He watched you walk off and smirk. "She's worth remembering."

Time skip ~ the next day

You left the court to go and fill up Hinata and Kageyama's water bottles since they drank it all when they were having a drinking contest. There was no one in the hallway and you didn't notice a certain blonde come out if the boy's bathroom. You saw a shadow cover you and you turned around to see what it was.

"Hey sweet tits." Terushima smirked and you just looked at him blankly before turning back around and continuing. "Hey tiny dick."
"That's just mean."
"And sweet tits isn't? What do you want?" Terushima just grumbled since you weren't looking at him. "You know some people find it rude when their talking to someone and that person isn't looking."

You roll your eyes and turn around to look at him. "Ok what do you want?"
"Can I take you out on a date later?"
"What? No." TSUKI MOMENT!!
Right now you were just playing hard to get to piss his off and it looked like it was working since you could saw a vain on the side of his head. He quickly composed himself before continuing. "Then how about this," warning: dirty and really bad joke coming up, "Let's say your right leg was Christmas." He placed his right hand on your hip then continued. "And your left is Easter." He then took your left hip and pulled you towards him so you were pressed up against him. "How about I come over for dinner in between the holidays?"

"PHF! HAHAHA!! OH MY GOD THAT JOKE WAS HORRABLE! IF YOUR RIGHT LEG WAS CHRISTMAS! HAHA!" Terushima just blushed out of embarrassment. He was trying to make you laugh but now he felt really stupid. He walked off and lowered his head. "Wait! Terushima you forgot something." He looked at you and you handed him a slip of paper. "Here."

He looked at the slip and found your number on it. "W-what?!" You smiled gave him a peck on the cheek. "Eh. You earned it." You walked away with the bottles and continued, "good luck during our match. Our team gunna beat you ass, if I don't first that is~" once you were out of sight he looked back down at the number and grinned. "YAHOO!!"