from the ashes (she will rise) ➸ octaven

chapter 16

Octavia struggles to understand why she's melded with these girls so effortlessly. In the span of weeks, she already feels closer to them than she ever had felt with her old friends. She's discovered that there's an unspoken kinship between them, thanks to their mutual suffering. Even though they originate from different homes and have seen different evils, they find common ground simply because they understand each other in ways that not many other people can.

They understand that when Lexa starts repeating things -- locking doors over and over, flicking the lights on and off, changing channels on the TV -- she's having a bad day. And when Lexa has a bad day, they know it's best to keep her occupied -- which results in them baking lots of desserts and playing hours worth of board games.

They all tread carefully around Raven on her bad days, which are almost always associated with her leg. On Raven's bad days, there's a delicate balance between subtly assisting her, but never letting her suspect that she's being coddled. If she notices someone going out of their way to make things easier at her, she'll snap at them. So most of the time Raven's bad days involve Octavia making her coffee in the morning, Lexa scurrying around the house to pick up anything she may trip on and straighten out the rugs, and Clarke breaking out her collection of horror movies, dimming the lights, and making a giant bowl of popcorn.

Clarke's bad days are few and far between, but when they happen, it's a sudden hurricane. They've come to predict her bad days based on her smoking habits. If she gets up to smoke at the crack of dawn, while everyone else is still in bed, it's a sign of a bad day. And if she starts smoking inside, it's a surefire way to know that hell could break loose at any moment.

On bad days, Clarke steals Octavia's keys and disappears for hours at a time. And unlike Raven or Lexa, there's nothing they can do for Clarke besides stay out of her way. They learned the hard way not to try and find out what's wrong. Last time Lexa approached her, trying to help, things ended in the slamming of a door, Clarke missing dinner, and a very distraught Lexa.

But then there's Octavia. She's the newest addition to the group, and usually, based on their history, new residents are the most unstable. Octavia, however, has yet to give them any hint of a breakdown -- except for Raven, who remembers her sleepwalking incident at the beach. Raven, in fact, is the only one who sees Octavia's true emotions. While all four girls are close, Raven and Octavia share something different. Something deeper, contained around everyone else, only showing when they're alone. Yet even Raven struggles to fully understand Octavia at times.

One thing she knows about Octavia is that touch, to her, is a direct equivalent to comfort. Raven's yet to understand the extent of this.

It's midnight the following Saturday. Clarke and Lexa are downstairs, cracking up over some I Love Lucy marathon they'd found. Raven's in her bedroom, immersed in The Catcher in the Rye, she's been reading ahead for English class. Raven's so absorbed in her book that she doesn't even notice the girl who nudges her door open, gazing into the room tentatively.

Raven finally looks up when she hears the creak of the floorboards, soft footsteps making their way to her bed. It's clear that something's wrong, evident in the way Octavia averts her eyes and tugs down the sleeves of her sweatshirt.

Raven's standing up within seconds, placing her hands on Octavia's shoulders and looking her up and down, worried. "What's wrong?"

But Octavia just shakes her head and practically forces Raven to hug her, hiding her head in her shoulder. Raven doesn't argue, but she pulls away too quickly for Octavia's liking, concerned.

"Are you hurt?" Raven asks, confused. But Octavia shakes her head once more and tugs on Raven's sleeve, nodding gently to the bed, quietly pleading with her.