Diana (One Direction)

I took 5 pills, just to calm down my feelings, to just make myself numb for a little, just for a little... Just to feel..nothing.

I heard a buzzing, and I thought it was just in my head, but it was my phone. I tried to get up but I was very dizzy due to the pills. I started to feel tipsy, I felt like the whole world was spinning. I was half way there when my legs just gave up. I fell to the floor, my head hitting the floor. Hard. I managed to crawl to my bed, and grabbed my phone. I fell back down to the floor, and pressed the answer button. I heard Niall's voice.

>>Hiiiii babe.So I've heard you've been at it again. Listen to me, please don't do it. Don't ever think you are alone. Don't ever let anyone bring you down.<< Niall said.

>>You are gorgeous. Everything about you is gorgeous. We know you've been through alot. And the fact you're still trying is absolutely incredible, keep doing it babe<< Louis said.

>>Myself and the rest of the boys love you. Don't forget the other 10 million as well. We all love you. Put that razor down. You don't deserve it. Please don't do it. Please don't. We love you<<Harry said.

>>Just stop, put that razor down, and think about us, think about the people who love you<< Liam said.

>>We love you, don't ever forget that babe" Zayn said.

>>If I don't deserve it, than why did it happen?<< I whispered.

>>She sounds different...." I heard Niall trail off.

>>Babe, where are you?" Liam asked.

>>I don't know<< I murmered against the phone screen.

I knew exactly where I was. I was in my bedroom, drugging myself. I wanted to make all the pain go away. I wanted everything to just disappear, to just leave me alone. I know I'm not what you expected but atleast give me a chance to show you i'm not a failure or a disappointment. I wanted to make the pain go away, I cried so much that I don't even know what happiness is. I can't even cry anymore, because of how tired I am of people's bullshit. I can feel the lump in my throat. I was ready to burst into tears, I was just waiting for the tears to stream down my face like a endless river. But the thing was..I couldn't I had no power in me, no strength. Nothing.

I started to crawl away from the phone, hearing the guys yell my name. I crawled to my dresser, and grabbed a needle. I placed my self against the wall, with a needle to my arm. I looked at my arms. They were covered in cuts. Cuts. Everywhere. Oh how I loved the pain. The way the blood oozed out of my whole arm, it felt like I was draining the pain away. I brushed my fingers over my newly cuts that covered my whole arm, and thighs. It stinged a little at first, but I got used to it. I smiled to myself, and giggled stupidly. I started to push the needle in my arm slowly, the pain went away as soon as I felt the liquid go in. I smiled glumly, as I started to close my eyes, and thought about all the people who hurt me. I started seeing stars, I saw the people's faces who I loved, even though they hurt me so badly. They were the ones who caused this monster in me, but I still loved them. Even though they caused the monster, I was the one who I blamed all the time.