"Are you fucking stupid?!" Niall yelled at me.
The words slapped my pale face like the fierce wind on a chilly winter day. I stumbled back as if my body endured the physical emotion that I felt mentally. Not wanting to look at his stone cold features, I turned around. Hands trembling I covered my face trying not to cry but my vision blurred and I tried holding back. The growing weight in my throat, it throbbed, longing for me to let go and explode and so I did. I let myself go…. what was there to hold onto anyways? My knees buckled and I hit the ground, heart in my hands. “I'm sorry Diana, I didn't mea-" I felt warmth on my shoulder. Who was it? I slowly turned to see my savior. I made out dark brown eyes, black hair and a grey sweater, who else would’ve it been? I knew who it was, pushing his hand away, I used all my strength and got up and walked away, wiping a tear off my cheek. I walked out the room, went down the stairs, I made my way to the door, pushing anything and everything out of my way.
"Harry?" I said, as I heard someone pick up the phone and murmered a hello.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at a party, do you need anything? Where are you, I'll come pick you up." Harry said, as I heard shuffling in the back.
"No it's fine... I don't want to bother you." I said.
"No, no it's fine you aren't bothering me, where ar-"
I ended the call, I didn't want to bother Harry, and take him out of the party. Me dragging him here, to hear my useless stupid complaining isn't going to help my situation right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know how long I've been walking, and where I was. I've been turning left, right, walking a couple of blocks then turning right, and keep walking and turning left afterwards. I was lost, and I was alone. I didn't know how I felt, it felt as if I was numb. I am filled with such sadness and I am so tired that I could die.
I disappointed them. I disappointed Niall, Liam, Louis and Zayn. I promised them I wouldn't self-harm, and just look at what I did. I went into an empty bar, and sat in the back, in the corner, ordered a beer. A brunette placed my beer on the table and lingered at my table a few seconds, before turning around and walking away. I sat silently, hunched over and with a sense of loss so powerful that my muscles wouldn't respond to commands. My gaze was into the far distance, unseeing but fixed on some imaginary future of a life. My mascara and eyeliner was smeared down my face because everytime a staff member would pass by I would wipe away my tears and would sniffle a bit.
A tightening of my throat and a short intake of breath forecast the explosion of emotion. I somehow managed to keep buried deep inside. The tearing at my soul was too compelling and energetic to be contained. The vision I had of everyone looking at me in disbelief, began to swim in front of me as tears welled from deep inside and coursed down my cheeks.
~~~~~~
I've been drinking for about half an hour, a lot of beers been consumed in that short period of time. The beer has gotten to my head, and I know that I'm completely drunk.
"I'm such a disappointment." I said, as I kept on banging my head on the table.
"Excuse me ma'm but could you not please?" The same lady who served me my beer said to me.
"Sorry.." I mumbled.
"Is everything alright ma'am?" The brunette asked, as she sat across me, I looked at her name tag, Penny.
"Yeah." I said, as you wiped my snot on the back of my sleeve.
"Are you okay?" Penny asked.
I giggled and hiccuped, and smiled. I closed my eyes for a second or two, and made my fingertips find the hem of my sleeve.
"We're all addicted to something that takes the pain away." I giggled, as my sleeve was pulled up all the way.
"Why do you do this to yourself?" Penny asked, as she grabbed my hand and traced over my cuts with her pointer finger, and she held my hand with her other hand.
"Because I deserve it." I said, as I hiccuped a bit.
"No you don't. You could cut a vein and end your life permanetly, when your problem is only temporary." Penny said.
"But when one ends... another one... comes up." I giggled. "I don't understand why.. I live this life, if there's no meaning. I don't even make anyone proud, I don't accomplish anything, and I just make me and other people miserable."
"Hun," Penny said as she gave my hand a tight squeeze. "Rethink about this, please. Now I've got to get back to work I'll be done in half an hour, stay here okay?"
"Hmmmmm." I hummed.
~~~~~
It's been like what... 10 mins? I couldn't sit here anymore, and just let my life pass by.
I got up with all my strengh and walked past Penny.
"Hey girl! GIRL! Come back here!" I heard her yell behind me, I walked out the bar, and looked to my left and right.
Empty.
Except for the cars going up and down the street. I took a few steps closer to the edge of the side walk and looked up ahead the street.
A whole line of cars rushing down the street.
"If I step out now it could just look like an accident." I muttered to myself. "Just take a step already Diana."
A/N
Sorry if it's short! Sorry if it sucked! Ayee well comment and vote on it! Also tell people about it ^_^
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Diana (One Direction)
FanfictionI took 5 pills, just to calm down my feelings, to just make myself numb for a little, just for a little... Just to feel..nothing. I heard a buzzing, and I thought it was just in my head, but it was my phone. I tried to get up but I was very dizzy du...
