Lorraine from Target

Wear Me like Spandex

   Lorraine sighed as she pulled up her khakis and bent down to pick up a fallen clothing item from the
carpeted floor. Her claw like hands pawed at the article of clothing as she grabbed it in her clutches. She pushed herself up from the ground with a gargled groan and hung up the garment back on the rack.
     Right now Lorraine was currently in the men's sportswear section, her favorite section by far besides the make-up and frozen meal aisle. She enjoyed watching the men that browsed the clothes, all the while mumbling pick up lines like "I want you to sweat on me like you'd sweat in those clothes." or " I want you to wear me like those spandex." She thought how she could even pick up the president with her "charming" words. She liked to check out the different guys that littered to purchase the various Nike and Adidas clothing. A man appeared, he looked to be in his late 30s, maybe early 40s. The man sported a potbelly and had a goatee that was unkept, his hair the color of sand. The man sneezed, which after he furiously wiped his nose with his jacket sleeve and grunted. He was gross, to say the least. Lorraine however was in love.
     She straightened out her red polo, attempting to make herself presentable. As she smoothed down her shirt, on the spot right where her appendix would be was a dark red stain. "Must've spilled some Big Red on it." Lorraine thought to herself. She did love a glass of Big Red at the end of the day. Funny that she couldn't remember the last time she was at home, all she could recall was punching in for the day.
     By the time Lorraine managed to get herself together, the mystery-man-possibly-future-husband was already gone, having gotten the value-pack of sweatbands. Lorraine grumbled to herself, something about Howard Stern and her cats.
     At this time Lorraine decided to go check out the make-up section. It had been awhile since Lorraine had snagged a good lipstick. While Ms. DuVaunte was clumsily walking to the cosmetics, she didn't notice a trail of crimson follow her around as if she were a snail....