Your Hands

Four Fears: Third and Fourth

Four Fears: Third and Fourth

aka the third and fourth time Jho had seen Bea truly scared and helpless

(This is a continuation of the previous chapter so it's recommendable to read that first if you haven't read it yet.)

THIRD

Jho, along with the other Lady Eagles, felt both anxiety and excitement filling her veins as she heard cheers exploding in San Juan Arena for their first game of the season. The Lady Eagles were lining up by the exit of the dugout to prepare for their entrance to the court before they start their warm-up. All of the Lady Eagles were nervous for the first game of the season but also excited to be back in the rush of the UAAP. However, Jho noticed that a very important member of the team was missing right now.

"Jia," Jho called the teammate nearest to her. "Nasaan si Bea?"

Jia looked around with furrowed eyebrows. She shrugged at Jho. "Kanina ko pa siya hindi nakikita. Baka nasa locker room pa?"

Jho nodded. "Baka nga. Thanks."

She turned around to head towards the locker room immediately. Halfway towards the locker room, Jho started to sprint, suddenly worried that something might have happened to Bea. Upon entering the locker room, Jho released a small sigh of relief as she saw Bea sitting down on one of the benches, her head bowed down in her hands.

Jho sat down beside her girlfriend and playfully scolded, "Kapag magpapaiwan ka beh sabihan mo naman ako. Nag-aalala rin kasi girlfriend mo kapag bigla ka na lang nawawala, diba?"

Jho's remark was met by silence as Bea made no response. The spiker glanced worriedly at her side. "Uy, beh."

Bea lifted her head and it surprised Jho to see tears falling down on Bea's cheeks. "I'm not cut out for this, Jho."

"This?" Jho asked confusingly. "At bakit ka umiiyak? Anong nangyari?"

"This!" Bea frustratingly said, gesturing vaguely with hands. "Being captain of the team! I can't do it, Jho, I just can't do it."

"Beh, you're more than ready for this. Ilang months ka na rin naging captain at impressed nga si Coach sa performance mo as captain tuwing training —"

"But that's training, Jho!" Bea shouted, cutting her girlfriend off. Feeling guilty from Jho's shocked face at her outburst, Bea lowered her voice as she said, "This is not training anymore. Iba ang UAAP. I can't mess this up."

Jho grabbed Bea's hand and held it tight. She said with the uttermost conviction, "At hindi mangyayari yun, Bea. Hindi ka magmmess up."

Bea looked up at Jho, new tears occupying her tired eyes. "How do you know na I won't screw up? Because what if I do? I'm not as good as Ate Ly. What if I can't follow her footsteps?" Her voice started to crack and tears started to flow anew down Bea's cheeks. "What if I fail the team? What if I fail Ateneo?"

Bea frustratingly wiped her tears and looked down. Her voice was reduced to such a quiet whisper that Jho almost didn't hear what Bea said next. "What if I fail you?"

Seeing Bea so doubtful of herself made Jho sad and she just wanted to hug the sadness out of Bea. Instead, she decided to place both of her hands on Bea's cheeks. Jho gently wiped Bea's tears with her thumbs as she tried to calm Bea down.

"Beh," Jho started with nothing but love in her voice. "Diba team tayo? Kaya hindi mo kailangan buhatin lahat na ito by yourself. Team tayo, beh. Family, diba? Laging nasa likod mo ang Lady Eagles, Bea, wag mong kalilimutan yan. Diba ganon naman ang team. If we lose, we lose together. If we win, we win together."