[ A WATTPAD FEATURED STORY ]
•••
❝We accept the love we think we deserve.❞
But what does that really mean?
This is Eva's story; a tale of a wayward girl who had a heart of glass and when it broke, forgot that light tends to creep in through the cr...
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“Mum!” Eva called for what felt like the tenth time, but her shout only ricocheted off the dusty walls of her tiny house. There was no one there.
Eva's breathing quickened; why wasn't mum home? Mum was always there when she returned form school.
Could the same fate have met her mother as it did her father?
Eva pushed the unsettling thought away— that couldn't be it. No way. She wouldn't know what to do without both her ma and her pa.
She placed her bag by the old shoe rack by the door and waited for her eyes to adjust to the dimly lit hall. The curtains were still in place, never drawn back, as if her father's command still resonated around the corners of this house. The only source of light now was the bulb dangling from a long wire in the centre of the hall, right above the couch.
It had only been two days since his death, and yet - yet the smell of that horrid drink still lingered, maybe not as strong as it used to be, but she felt it. Eva's senses always seemed to pick up on it. And maybe that was just it. He left but never really left at the same time; his words and his actions remained - a colophon on every cracked wall, every wobbly floorboard and every stained glass in the gloomy house.
House. Home. Eva could never decide.
They were just discussing the difference in class a few days back, and she was still not able to make up her mind.
She dragged her feet towards the sofa that creaked every single time anyone ever tried to sit on it, and placed herself at the rightmost corner, bringing her knees up and tucking them beneath her chin. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she remained still, waiting to hear even the drop of a pin if it meant that her mother was finally back.
•••
Eva didn't know when she fell asleep but the slam of the front door and a heavy thud like something heavy was thrown on the floor woke her up with a start.
She wanted to move, wanted to unwrap her arms from around her knees, wanted to lift her head up and peek over the head of the couch to see who it was — and yet she couldn't. She felt something so huge in her stomach, it made her insides tighten and made her feel like she was paralyzed.
The sudden interruption of her sleep had her mind somewhere between the conscious and subconscious state, and her thoughts ran wild, thinking that maybe pa was finally back because it had never felt like he'd left in the first place.
Eva was surprised when she felt in that moment how much she didn't want him to be back.
She felt scared; she felt fear. And she never knew how frightened she was of her own father's presence until he was gone and there wasn't anything to be so scared of anymore.
It only seemed to hit her now — now when even the possibility of him coming back seemed to make all her insides recoil.
"Eva? Sweetheart, you awake?"
Eva's eyes snapped to her mother, whose body was coming into view more and more each second as she neared the couch where Eva was at.
"Where were you all this time, ma?!" Eva cried out, anger rolling off her tiny body in contrastingly huge waves. She'd been so scared, so frightened.
Her mother's face dropped, and she looked startled. "Oh, Eva... Honey, I didn't mean to scare you!" She got down to her knees on the floor so that she was on eye level with her daughter. "I had to go buy some food for us."
Eva's frown didn't leave her face. "But you need money to buy things," she pointed out.
"I know, love," he mum answered with a tired smile, "I have money."
Eva's angry frown turned into one of confusion. She was curious now. "But - but you said you didn't work... A-and you need to work to have money, don't you?"
Her mum sighed, "I found a job, Eva darling. It's at a restaurant few blocks away. Don't think about it too much now."
Eva was puzzled. Why did ma have to work now? She never left the home when pa was about — the one time that Eva brought up the topic of her mother working, hell broke loose at the dining table.
Nothing was happening right.
"But pa said you couldn't work," Eva couldn't help but say, the questions eating away at her young mind. "You never used to say anything... You— you didn't want to go to work either."
Her mother sucked in her bottom lip, looking troubled for some reason. "I know, love," she repeated, "but we need the money now don't we? Pa isn't here anymore so we've got to do something."
Eva's remaining anger faded, and a sudden heaviness swept in, replacing it. Her bottom lip quivered. "B— but everything's so different ..." She whispered, her voice shaking so slightly.
"Shh, shh," her mum moved closer and did something Eva couldn't remember her mum doing for her in forever. She hugged Eva.
At first, the little girl didn't respond, going completely still instead. But as much as she tried to stop it, something inside Eva felt like it was melting and becoming soft and suddenly, she was burying herself in her mother's embrace, and in that moment — in that moment that felt like infinity — Eva thought she could never leave the warmth of her mother's arms.
"It'll be alright, we're going to be fine, Eva." Her mum kept repeating as she held on to her, and Eva could only nod her head because her throat seemed to be so full of something for her to be able to speak.
If she could only stay like this for one more moment, if Eva could only be hugged by her mother a little more, then perhaps all this change wasn't so bad after all.
--------------------------------------------------------- Written; 23rd February 2016 ----------------------------------------------------------
