The Girl That Care Forgot ✓

23 • The Old Mantra

The next morning went by just like any other morning— Eva waking up before Logan to make sure breakfast was ready by the time he came down after dressing for work. And that was followed by her cleaning up as quick as humanly possible before getting dressed herself.

It didn't matter how fast she did her chores though; she always reached school right when the warning bell rang, or if she was lucky— just seconds before the first bell did.  

Needless to say, she was hardly any teacher's favourite.

“Have a good day, kid,” Benjie said as Eva swung her legs out of the grand car and got out.

She stared at him for a moment before giving him a slow nod, “you too, Benjie.”

She quickly shut the door and strode away, missing the surprise flashing in his eyes at her uncharacteristic words. Eva knew she'd gone out of her way today but that was only because she was a nervous wreck inside after last night. She didn't know how she was going to even try putting herself out there and mingling with other students and so when Benjie had wished her a good day... Well, she just liked how nice it felt.

The gratitude was what made her wish him in return, as unusual as it was to come from her.

She'd just stepped foot into the school building when the first bell rang. Letting out a quiet breath of relief at the fact that she could still make it to class before the teacher showed, she picked up her pace and kept her gaze fixed forward.

“Hey, Eva!”

Eva halted in tracks, her feet slightly skidding due to the suddenness. Looking over her left shoulder, she found Terrence jogging towards her.

When he was close enough, she could hear his heavy breathing and observe the small beads of sweat near his temples.

Apparently she wasn't the only one running late today.

The thought made her want to smile — something she noticed about Terrence during all the years prior to him leaving, was that he liked being punctual.

But she held back that smile and instead fixed him with an inquisitive look. Her brows, probably the best feature of hers, crinkled together and her eyes were pulled into a slight squint.

“We don't have the same class on the first period today, do we?”

Eva shook her head, “no, but we are going to be late.”

She started walking again and Terrence followed suit, keeping up beside her.

“Why...” Eva trailed off, not asking what she wanted to but then she remembered last night's conversation with Logan and decided she needed to start trying somewhere. “Why are you running late today?”

She saw his mouth form a small smile, as if pleased she was asking him this. What an unusual boy... Eva couldn't help but wonder.

“Hit the bed really, really late last night,” he replied, “so I overslept this morning... Even the alarm couldn't wake me!” He chuckles lightly at the end.

Eva nodded, following his words intently. Okay, she told herself, okay I can do this... making conversation is not too hard...

“So... Uhh, why— why did you sleep really late last night?” she asked, checking if she can keep the conversation flowing. She wondered if she was doing it wrong... If she was asking unusual questions... She'd been isolated her entire life and now that Logan wanted her thrust into a new world where she had to crawl out of her safety bubble, she felt so lost and so... so abnormal even.

If Terrence found any of this to be uncomfortable, he didn't show any signs of it. And Eva supposed she could be grateful to him for that.

“Oh we had a family gathering,” he says easily, as if Eva making conversation with him was a routine activity. “Barbeque night and music... All that stuff, you know.”

But Eva didn't know.

She parted her lips, the words squirming on the tip of her tongue; no, Terrence, I do not know... That's what she wanted to say but it didn't feel right for some reason.

Hadn't Logan once stated his absolute disapproval of ever discussing what life back at the mansion was like? Hadn't he said that their lives were no one else's business?

So if she were to tell Terrence now that she didn't understand the whole concept of family gatherings... would that, in a way, be giving him any clue about her home life?

Maybe not. But if there was anything Eva knew with utmost certainty when it came to this boy, it was that he pushed and pushed until he got satisfactory answers. And she wasn't going to give him an opportunity to ask questions that will land her in trouble.

So she bit her tongue and zipped her lips, not giving Terrence another glance as she muttered a quick a goodbye and hurried to her classroom.

She understood now... She understood why Pa had always made her chant it over and over again. I'll never tell.

Back then, those words were carved into her mind and she'd always obeyed. She'd always known her place because of it. And so she never had strayed.

But it'd been so, so long and now... now Eva was slipping.

Eva was doubting.

Eva was questioning.

And she knew she couldn't afford that. She couldn't be making such huge mistakes.

So she took in a deep breath and let it out slowly, the voice in her head chanting that mantra over and over and over again like a record on repeat.

One that Pa had drilled into her; one that she knew she needed to familiarise herself with once again even though its been years. One that defined her old home—

I'll never tell... I'll never tell... I'll never tell.

And Eva hoped, for her sake, that she never would.

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Written on; 08th March 2017
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