Care for me(Namjin×yoonmin)

I'm Not Worth It

Jin pov

My tear ducts have dried up as I wait for Namjoon to kick me out of his car.
To run me over and leave. Anything that will make me feel worse. I know I deserve everything that's coming to me.

"Seokjin." I half laugh. He's not even using nicknames anymore and he used my full first name too. "I can't even begin to process this." I bite my lip as I wait for his harsh words.

You're terrible!

Jimin is right to be mad at you!

How could you not have known the gas was on?

"You have to let this go." My gaze snaps to him. "You can't carry this guilt forever."

I plug my ears as he tries to make me seem like less of a criminal. "You were only 10. This could happen to anyone." I shake my head, making him pull my hands out of my ear. "Jin, you have to hear this."

I shrink away from his hold. "You can't let this eat away at you. You have to forgive yourself especially if you want Jimin's forgiveness."

"Maybe, I don't want Jimin's forgiveness." Namjoon sighs. "I deserve to be dragged through the dirt." I close my eyes and mumble, "I should have died too."

Finally fed up with me, Namjoon gets out of the drivers seat and crosses over to mine. I watch as he flings my car door open and rips me out of my seat. I struggle against him as he pulls me towards the water. "Is this what you want? You want to end your life?"

He lets go of me as I land on my hands and knees in front of the water. I stare at my reflection as he kneels beside me. "Go ahead. If that's what you really want. End your life."

My fingers dig into the ground as my face crumbles and tears fall out. It's that easy. All I have to do is take a few steps into the water and let the waves do the rest....

I stare at my reflection that is distorted because of the ripples running through it. I bite down on my lips as I try to build up enough nerves, but I can't.

"I can't do it." I cry out and face Namjoon. "I don't want to die."

Namjoon's face softens as he pulls me into his arms and buries my face in his chest. "Thank goodness." He strokes my back. "I'm glad that's all you needed to see that suicide isn't the answer."

I cling to his coat as he rocks me back in forth. "Isn't this a deal breaker for our relationship?" I mumble.

"No." Namjoon stops stroking my back. "You know what I can't wrap my head around?" I shake my head. "How come they never questioned you or anything? I mean if it was obviously something from the kitchen-"

I pull away from him and gasp. "You think I'm wrong? I told you what I heard-"

"I know what you heard could be misleading, but what if you didn't cause it?" My eyebrows furrow.

"That wouldn't make any sense."

"Well, have you ever read the file of how your parents died?" I shake me head. "Then, how do you know you caused it?"

"I-I just know." I whisper, but Namjoon isn't convinced.

"Jin, you need to read the file." I scoot away from him.

"No, I don't want to read it. I can't relive that all over again. What if it just confirms that I did it?"

Namjoon offers a small smile. "And what if it doesn't? Besides, what do you have to lose? If it confirms your suspicion then you're what you already thought, but if you're wrong you can finally let this go."

I stare at Namjoon for a second before standing up. "You seem so sure that I'm innocent."

Namjoon stands up and wipes the dirt off his jeans. "I just want to keep hope alive...I want to keep thinking of you as I already do."

I tilt my head slightly in confusion. "And how do you already think about me?"

Namjoon blushes at my question, but takes a step closer. "I think that you're a really caring person that would do anything for his brother. I think you have a really big heart and...to me...you're perfect."

My heart beats a mile a minute at his confession as I turn away from him. "I'm nowhere near perfect."

He pulls me close by the collar of my coat. "That's why I said to me." He leans down and kisses my cheek. "And I can't wait until you see that too, princess."

"J-joonie?"

"Hmmm?"

"Can we stay out a little longer? I don't want to go back yet." Namjoon kisses my forehead and pulls me closer.

"Yeah, but let's get out of the cold." I nod my head and let him hold my hand as we walk back to the car. When we are set to leave, thoughts of Jimin surface. He must have been in so much pain this whole time and I wasn't there for him. 

"Do you think Jimin hates me." I whisper when Namjoon pulls out onto the road.

"No, he could never hate you." I lower my head as I think of the worst case scenario; Jimin never speaking to me again. "He knows how much you love him and even though things are messed up now...he'll come to you eventually." 

I exhale and try to calm my nerves. "Thanks for staying." I whisper.

"Always."

A/N The dramatics am I right or am I right? How did you all like this chapter? Let me know in the comments and don't forget to vote and add my story to your reading list. Oh, you should all check out my book that's basically authors notes answering questions about me. If you have any questions about me that you're curious about feel free to leave them in the comment section of my book "All you have to do is ask." Until next time my Burritos, Deuces!