Son of a drug addict

Part. 18

We were on our way to Chester's. First I visited home to check on Jason, who has been all alone these few days. He was fine, just out of money. Lee is still missing. I have no idea where he is, or even where he could be. I called Sasha, who said that she haven't seen him in a week. No one has seen him in a week, not even the guys in the bar. Sometimes he just disappears. But always he comes back.

This neighborhood is just teenagers who wants to leave and adults who are tired of their life. It's just a empty road we are walking. Is it dangerously quiet or is my mind leaving the body again? How and why does it keep happening?

We arrived Chester's house. His dad opened the door. He took a deep breath and said "Come in"

We both walked in. "Are you sure about this?" I asked.

"Yeah yeah" he whispered.

"Okay, so... Mike" Chester's dad cleared his throat and continued. "I am very sorry. I shouldn't have done anything to you, it was wrong. I don't know what should I say, because saying 'sorry' doesn't fix your face, or your fingers. I just want you to know, you can still show up here. As long you're good to Chester"

I nodded and said "I'll always be good to your son, mr. Bennington"

"You can call me Chuck" he said before he disappeared into the kitchen. Chester wrapped his arms around my shoulders, standing behind.

"It went well, Mike. I told you" he whispered in my ear and kissed my neck.

"It doesn't mean I forgive him" I muttered and walked to Chester's room.

"I know that" he said, following me. He closed the door and sighed. "But it's good to know it's safe to be around, am I right?"

"Yeah" I muttered, looking at my broken fingers. I must visit the hospital next monday so they can check on my fingers, if they have healed at all.

"They'll heal" Chester said.

I just nodded at him, not sure what I should say.

************************

We were still hanging in Chester's room, when the clock turned to 10 PM. Chester said "You should sleepover here, or are you busy?"

"Yeah, I can stay the night. I just gotta call Jay" I said, dialing my brother's number.

He answered quickly. "Yes?"

"I'm gonna stay this night at Chester. Are you alright?"

"You haven't been present for the whole week, today you just showed up for 5 minutes"

"I know. I'm sorry. But I will come home tomorrow. We can do something fun together"

"Okay. Lee is still gone"

"Don't worry about that, he will show up. Better get used to it"

"Okay. I'm really tired, so"

"Yeah, of course. Sleep tight"

"You too" he said and we both hung up. I shoved my phone back to my pocket.

"You and your brother are unbelievable" Chester said.

I chuckled. "I guess. But there's no other choice. We don't have time to fight like usually brothers do"

"It's awesome" Chester smiled.

There was a knock on the door. Chuck walked in. "Mike is staying the night, isn't he?"

"Yes" I said.

He threw a pillow and a blanket to me. "You're sleeping on the couch. In a different room"

"Dad, come on" Chester whined.

"No, it's- It's okay" I said, got up, giving him a small touch on his cheek. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight" Chester said, sighing. I walked to the living room. I dropped the pillow on the couch and took my hoodie off.

"Are you boyfriends?" Chuck asked me.

I looked at him. "Yeah" I said, awkwardly.

He nodded. "There will be a day when I let you sleep with him in the same room. But it's not today" he said and walked away, to his own bedroom.

I sighed and layed down to the couch. I watched the ceiling, feeling alone. No signs of sleep, but the hours passed.

*** blob time jump ***

I got up from the couch, it was really dark. It was over midnight. The house was silent. Completely silent. It almost made me feel like I don't exist. I pulled my hoodie on, my shoes, and walked outside. I sat on the front porch. I lighted up a cigarette.

I wasn't okay.

I admit that. There's something going. There are feelings I try to ignore, but now I can't. Every morning, I wake up with my cravings. When do I know it's getting out of control? I don't think I can make it to my thirties. My life has ended thousand times, and began again in the morning. That's something I've got to work on, but how? How do you end the apocalypse which is inside your own head? There's a freaking war, and I can't sleep at night. This is a fucking mess.

I reached down to my pocket and took a small bag of coke. I just watched it in my hand. Should I throw it away or keep carrying it? Half of me wants to toss it down the toilet, maybe I could get my life on tracks again. But the stronger part of me wants to keep it inside my pocket. This stuff killed my mother but that doesn't affect me.

"Don't take it" I heard a familiar voice say. I turned around to see Chester, who sat next to me. "Please"

I looked at his eyes, and nodded. I put the bag back into my pocket. I inhale the cigarette, which I almost forgot I had in my hand.

"What are you doing here anyway?" he asked.

"Came out for a smoke" I said, looking down at my shoes.

"You wouldn't have needed to come outside" Chester said, wrapping his arms around his chest, shivering a little. "It's surprisingly cold out here"

"Well damn, I can't control the weather" I muttered.

Chester shook his head and got up, walking back inside.

I sighed and looked at the empty porch. My hand became a fist, and I rested my head against it. I heard the front door open again. Chester walked out with a thick blanket around him and sat next to me.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I could lie to him and say I was fine and avoid this conversation, but I really didn't wanna do that. "No. I'm not"

"Talk to me" he said.

I threw the cigarette burn away. "What should I say? I'm a nuclear mess. I wanna get rid of the drugs, I do not wanna get rid of the drugs. I wanna stop drinking but I just need booze all the fucking time. It's just.... I just can't anymore" I say my voice breaking with every word. A tear fell onto my cheek and when I wiped it off, another one came down.

Chester stayed quiet. He didn't say anything. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

"I just wanna be gone" I said as the tears kept falling.

"Mike, it's okay" Chester said, almost whispering. "You can't be alright all the time"

"I don't remember when I was still okay. It was so freaking long time ago"

"The drugs are slowly killing you, get rid of them" Chester said as he kissed the top of my head.

"I can't..." I muttered.

"Mike, please. I don't want you to be gone. I love you"

From reflex, my head shot up to look at him. "You do?"

"Yeah, you dumbass" he said.

"I, I uhh... I love you too" I said.

A small smile came across Chester's face. "You'll be alright"

I wiped the tears away. "Let's get inside"