Conversations

02. stars and moon

I let out a very deep sigh... for I think a hundred times already. I don't know what to say or even think. I cannot understand myself anymore... and then another sigh escape my mouth again.

I'm here at the rooftop and it's already 2 am, just letting my thoughts flow and join the million of stars that's ahead of me as of the moment. It's like I'm one of them, but you know, empty. I hate how this feeling of abandonment is slowly creeping inside me and eating my flesh like there's no tommorrow. I hate ho-

"Hey." I suddenly heard someone called me. A voice of a boy. But who is going to go here at this ungodly hour? Oh gosh. Don't tell me there's a monster or ghost here. Oh my. 

"Hey." Oh. My. God. This ain't happening.

"Don't eat me please. Don't eat me." I whispered to myself.

"Hey. Don't be afraid. I'm not a monster, and, uhmm.. if you don't mind may I join you on your spacing out?" he asked. He's voice is just... so good.

I turn around and I saw a boy looking at me, smiling. Okay, this is very embarrassing. "I'm really sorry. Sorry. I thought you're a ghost or something. Sorry."

"No. It's okay." he chuckled. "So, can I join you?"

"A-ah, yeah, sure." I said as I was looking at him while he's slowly going near me. He is wearing a black shirt and pants and still looks so neat and presentable. He has this super brown eyes and long eyelashes that will make you drool.. uhm okay not. Yes. Ahh. No. Uhm, okay yes, he's handsome. I think.

"Uhm hi?" he said.

Oh my god. Did he saw how I checked him out? Oh my, cements please eat me up already.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked.

"Uh, yes, I'm okay." I replied. Nervous.

"Why are you here at this time? It's past 2 am already?"

"Uhm, just.. thinking. You?"

"I always go here because it's just near our house and when I'm sad." he said, almost a whisper.

"Oh." Then the place was filled with silence.  Okay, awkward. We're both sad and want to be dramatic.

It's almost 3 minutes and still, no one's talking. Ohhhkaay, I mean we don't even know each other so maybe that's why he's not talking. Better be shutting my mouth also.

I looked at the sky full of stars again. Oh how I wish I was just with them so I don't have nothing to worry about.

"Do you already feel this sudden kind of abandonment?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Yes. As of the moment." I said, still looking at the sky.

"It sucks, right? How the ones who's close to you make you feel like that. I mean, it's so fucking annoying. Like why that kind of thing even- Oh shit. Sorry, I shouldn't be saying these things to you. Sorry." he said shyly.

"No, no, go on. It's really okay." I smiled.

"Really?" I nod.

"Uhm.. so yeah, do ever feel like breaking down? Out of place? Kind of being depressed or something? Sucks." and then he looks down.

"Yes. I already felt something like that too. And it's sad that out of nowhere you're in a bad mood and sad and depressed and then all those fucking sad memories came rushing back to you and you can't help it and you don't know what to do. I hate it." and then a single tear escape my eye. Oh god, not now tears.

"Sorry." he said and then slowly he put his palm on my face and wipe my tears.

"Don't be sorry. We're both fucked up here. It's okay." I sigh.

"You know what, life is unfair. One moment we're happy. The next moment, we're not. Destiny is playing tricks on us." he said while pointing out the brightest star in the sky.

I watched him while doing that.

"Everytime I'm sad I go here cause it's the nearest place where I can touch the sky and look for the brightest of them all. Because it's a reminder for me that even though I feel this kind of thing, this abandonment, this sadness, it still reminds me that even in darkness we'll still shine and just like the moon even it can only be seen at night it still manage to give us light." and then he met my gaze.

"Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Maybe you don't know what's happening inside you, but maybe it's just telling us that bad times do happen and we just have to embrace it and accept the fact that it is part of our life, even though we badly want to kick it's ass." he smiled.

"Thank you." I also smiled at him. "Thank you for being my star and moon tonight."