ROUHI

sixteen

It was three days till Hafsa agreed to eat, five days till she said a word, and two weeks before her facial expression had a change. Saaqib was hurt too but he was determined to get over it, because right now he had to take care of Hafsa who had endured the pain of losing her second child all alone for eight hours. She wished she had never went to the bathroom that afternoon. Maybe the disaster wouldn't have happened.

This incident brought the two spouses closer or created distance, Saaqib didn't know. He kept reminding Hafsa that their child will take Hafsa into heaven. This somewhat calmed Hafsa, but she was always about blaming herself for the death of a baby and hiding from Saaqib. "I should've been careful, Saaqib. I should've been careful."

Saaqib tried his best to keep any babies out of Hafsa's sight. Fatima had once brought her son with her to comfort Hafsa. Hafsa had asked to hold Ibrahim in her arms. But that only made her wound deeper. Later that day she locked herself in their bedroom and didn't come out until the sun rose overhead next day. She hadn't spent all the time simply crying, though.

Saaqib was trying to make some food. All these years watching Hafsa and he still didn't know what to do so the bread wouldn't stick to the pan. Hafsa stood behind him for a while, fresh streams of tears flowing down her cheeks. Saaqib heard her sniff and the familiar sound of anklets, and before he could turn back, his chest was wrapped by two strong arms from behind.

"Hafsa." If Saaqib was soft-spoken with her before, now Hafsa was going to melt hearing him.

Saaqib turned the stove off and gently pushed Hafsa's arms down, spinning around to face her. He cupped her face and wiped her tears with his thumbs, kissing her cheeks with utmost affection. Hafsa gave one last sob and said, "I'm so sorry, Saaqib." He shushed her but Hafsa continued nonetheless. "I'm s-so sorry. I should've known to-to be patient and..."

Saaqib silenced her words with a kiss.

And another.

And then another.

And then another.

Until Hafsa let go and melted against him, Saaqib's hold securing her by her waist. He was happy to let her know that he would always be there to carry her. Always.

***

Hafsa fell asleep to Saaqib repeatedly reminding her that what was to happen would happen no matter what. What mattered the most was how she handled it. She stared as the shadows of the window bars lay on her husband's face the following morning, recalling every word, every touch from the previous night.

"Hafsa."

Hafsa let out a small gasp as a smirk tugged at Saaqib's lips, his playful eyes still hidden behind their covers.

"One of these days you'll take my life just by saying my name."

Saaqib's eyes swiftly opened to peer at his joking wife before he burst out into throaty laughter.

He grabbed her by her waist and wheeled to have her lay beneath him on the cot, Hafsa showcasing an exaggerated hurt expression.

"Are you hurt?" Saaqib teased before tickling her sides. "You're hurt, huh?" Hafsa squealed and squirmed under his weight, begging him to stop. Her laugh erased every memory of worry and grief he might have ever had.

After an eventful couples of minutes, the two lost themselves to silently appreciating each other. A frown came upon Saaqib's brows as Hafsa's gaze trailed down, her guilty expression breaking his heart. She gulped and then peered up into his eyes again. Blowing out a sigh, she said, "I had been pushing you away all this time. But you helped me all the same. Saaqib-"

"If you say sorry one more time," he cut in, covering her mouth with his right palm, "you will be telling me that I have made not even the tiniest bit of improvement in the past years, that I am a terrible husband incapable of treating his missus how she deserves, incapable of being who she needs. I am so bad that I have made my wife feel obligated to apologise for things she doesn't need to."

Hafsa studied his face intently. Then she mumbled something.

"What?" Saaqib moved his hand away, genuinely concerned about what she was telling him. "Wait-"

"I said I love you, dummy," Hafsa whispered.

Saaqib beamed, shaking his head, relieved. "I thought you were telling me that I really haven't changed. Phew."

Hafsa propped herself on her elbows. "All these words and not one 'I love you too, Hafsa. I love you soo much.'" She pouted.

There was a knock on the main door, causing the two to turn their heads.

Saaqib inched towards her left ear and asked in a low voice, "How about I show you?"