Gone for good.

Chapter 4

Really quick, before you read this chapter it might trigger some people. Please know there will only be a few chapters like this and I will give you a warning before each one. If you are triggered by suicidal things, please don't read this chapter. Just wait for my next update. Thank you so much.

Once they pulled away from their kiss. She looked at me. Confusion spread across her face. "Babe who is that" she spoke softly.
Derek turned back to see me. "Oh, this is Maddy we go way back. She's having a hard time so I'm letting her stay with me till she's back on her feet."
I could tell that the girl was annoyed. Who wouldn't be. A girl living with your boyfriend. If only she knew she had nothing to worry about. She looked me up and down judgment ran over me. I hadn't done my hair and my eyes were red from crying. I smelled of vomit.
"Uh, okay" she said "Let's go get lunch babe"
He smiled, and nodded. "Mads get ready we're going to lunch" as I opened my mouth to respond she cut me off by saying "Oh... uhm. Derek I only meant us. I mean she doesn't look well. She should probably stay in"
My eyes fell to the floor. I nodded in a agreement. I could feel their eyes pressed on me as I walked back to my room.
I had no where to go.
Everyone has a home, a place where they feel safe, and happy. For some a home is within a person, for some it's within a feeing, a place, or a actual house. It's just the feeling of knowing you're okay, and everything going on outside doesn't matter. I lost that home when I left him. I know that sounds stupid. Just another girl depending on some guy to bring her happiness. I just felt safe with him. Like everything was okay with him.

Jason....

His name echoed through my head sending tears rushing to my eyes.

"People are made for certain people" he said to me "I was made for you, and you were made for me"

I remembered his words. Maybe I wasn't made for him after all. Maybe I wasn't made for anyone. People will tell you during a hard time that you should learn to love yourself, but I don't think they realize that it's hard to love yourself when you can't feel anything. When your body is numb. Being happy was a goal, for almost everyone. I just wanted to feel again. I had no feeling left inside me. I needed to feel something.

I looked down and saw my hand punching my arm to the point that it was blue. I didn't feel a thing.

I wasted my time on Jason. I thought I alone could fix him as a human being. I now know. You can't change people. I can't even change myself. Why bother anymore.

Just then my phone buzzed

Jason❤️- "To think I actually loved you, you mean nothing to me. You're worthless. It's a good thing Abby showed me what love is, that was always something you always struggled to do. You aren't worth it, you never were. Kill yourself please, do us all a favor."

I threw my phone at the wall and headed towards the bathroom.

With tears in my eyes I opened Derek's medicine cabinet found a bottle of pills.

The words played over and over in my head

"I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible, I'm terrified to speak.
but you'd excepted that from me.
I'm mixed up I'll be blunt.
But now I'm just washing you out of my hair, and out of my mind.
Keeping an eye on the world. I'm over you now I'm at home in the clouds and towering over your head."

With that I swallowed the pills in my hand, and everything went black.

A/N:
Okay so this chapter was intense please don't think that she over reacted, because there is going to be a deeper reason to why she did this in the next couple of chapters. I promise there's more to it than stupid old Jason. Let me know how you felt about this chapter. Leave comments and vote. I hope this chapter didn't trigger anything for anyone & I want you to know taking your own life isn't worth it, because there are people out there who love and care about you. If you ever need to talk about anything any of you can always speak to me!