Polarize ➳ Castiel

six ➳ holy

[a/n: damn, it's been so long! i'm so so sorry. but from now on i'll try to update every weekend]

   Heaven was unholy.

   Castiel knew this to be a hard fact, not an opinion born from speculation. Though he was barred from heaven, he still knew of the events that occurred behind the pearly gates. The angels disregarded their duties and would desecrate hallways to find the long deceased in an effort to take their souls. The war was truly bringing the worst out of the 'holiest' beings in the universe.

   The angel had always admired humans from afar; they were odd little things who found pleasure in drinking poison and could survive the most impossible situations. Humans could go on fighting for their own purposes, not some higher power, albeit that had most certainly occurred in their short history. But humans always seemed to look up to God or the angels for guidance or for strength; even after centuries of existence humans haven't realized that they are one of the most powerful beings in the universe and that they never needed an angel's magic touch.

   This was why Castiel believed in the Winchesters -- they are human.

   They are guided by their own thoughts and emotions, something that they had developed quickly from the time they were born. Castiel had taken centuries to even question his existence and his purpose. Truly, if God had abandoned them, what was his purpose? 

   He shook his head before looking into the sky that was filled with violent shades of pinks, oranges, and blues. Did the humans even know what lay before them? Did they know that when they died, they are damned to suffer either way?

   Castiel's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the apartment door opening. He opened the balcony door to see Parker slowly lock the door before slumping onto the ground. 

   The angel watched silently as she picked herself up off the floor to go and make a cup of tea.

   "Cas, I know you're there." she said, her back turned to the balcony.

   He walked into the apartment and carefully closed the door behind him. Then he sat on the stool that stood next to her desk. "How are you, Parker?" he asked, watching as she shakily ripped a packet of Earl Grey tea and set it in a chipped blue mug.

   "Fine." she replied, collapsing on her unmade bed. "Absolutely fine."

   He tilted his head. "I read on the Tumblr --"

   "No." she cut him off, repressing a laugh. "How did you even get on Tumblr?"

   "I was on the internet." he deadpanned, before looking at the boiler. "Your water is almost boiled."

   Parker made a sound of acknowledgement before closing her eyes. She didn't know what to make of what she saw during class; all she could think about was the blinding white light and the absolute darkness that followed. And Cas, who couldn't recognize his nickname. Parker wanted nothing more than to attribute it to a strange dream derived from a lack of sleep; however, it felt almost like a memory. And if she tried hard enough, she could remember the smell of burning flesh and the sound of an angel dying.

   She shook her head before mumbling, "I must be losing my mind."

   Parker forced herself off her bed. "How's Sam?"

   When she received no answer, she blearily rubbed her eyes to look at the stool. But Castiel was no longer there.

   ═══════════════

   Exley stepped into Rose's Diner, a small restaurant off the corner of the street. They had left Patrick in an aquarium because he had never seen a puffer fish before and would rather count how many he could see than go 'talk' to Rose.

   "I don't wanna be there when you do it." he had said, turning away from Exley. 

   They had understood, and bought him a stuffed puffer fish toy to keep him occupied after he grew tired of counting fish. 

   Exley slid the angel blade Raphael had given them before walking to the register. The restaurant was rather empty, with only a girl in the back drinking a cup of coffee and staring out the window. Rose stood at the register with a bandage wrapped around her wrist. She looked tired, but still greeted her with a smile when she noticed Exley.

   As they drew closer to the register, Exley began to sweat. They had only ever practiced on dummies; twist, slice, stab. The motions were simple but the actual thought of taking Rose's life had never occurred to them now. Deep down in them, a feeling of wrongness and familiarity bubbled. Rose looked familiar to them, but they didn't understand why.

   "Hello there, darlin'! What can I get you?" Rose asked, her smile resting placidly on her face.

   Exley remained silent for a few seconds, looking deep into her eyes. With every part of them screaming about the wrongness of the entire situation, they jumped onto Rose, twisted her arm behind her back, and held the blade in front of her throat. Rose screamed, desperately trying to get away from Exley.

   "W-Where is Parker Lancaster?" Exley demanded, their voice wavering.

   Rose struggled even harder. "Who's asking?"

   She could only remember the man's face and his name, but had absolutely no idea where he had taken her best friend. But if she could stall whoever the hell this person was, then she could delay whatever danger was coming to Parker.

   Exley tightened their hold on Rose's arm before pulling it until it was on the verge of dislocation. They then pressed their foot down on Rose's injured wrist and watched as the girl in the corner of the restaurant ran out the door.

   Rose cried out, tears actively streaming down her face. 

   "I'm going to ask one m-more time." Exley said, desperately trying to quell the shaking in their voice. "Where is Parker Lancaster?"

   Rose grit her teeth and didn't respond.

   Raphael had said to get rid of Rose if she didn't respond, but they couldn't. Something about Rose refused to let Exley kill her, and something inside of Exley begged them not to. They didn't understand -- Exley had killed people before; they had tortured them without much remorse but they couldn't murder Rose.

   Exley's hand shook before letting the blade clatter to the floor.

   "I can't. . ." Exley mumbled, before slumping against the counter.

   Raphael was going to punish Patrick and them for their failure, but Exley simply couldn't bring themself to kill Rose. 

   "I-I'm sorry." Exley said before standing up and running out of the door.

      ═══════════════

   Castiel sat next to Sam, whose veins glowed a pulsating red.

   "Forgive me for what's to come, Sam." he said, watching as Sam convulsed in his unconscious state. "This was never my intention."

   He then walked in front of a sleeping Dean. Castiel was fairly certain that at least twenty of Dean's stress wrinkles were from him and his mistakes. Even during sleep, Dean was fighting, and Castiel thought by starting and winning this war, he could change that. But now, he had initiated a war that saw the most powerful beings in the universe fighting each other.

   And he was nothing but a speck of dust floating through time and space.

   If he hadn't befriended Parker all those centuries ago, then everything would still be fine. In all honesty, he never would have thought a small girl in a smaller village would change the course of history.