She returned a different person, with a new mindset and a new outlook to match it. The girl that once cared too much, no longer cared at all.
At almost 18 Sasha finally crosses the line with the police and is faced with two options. One, being to sp...
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ch 7. It was for the best
"Fat man! We are reunited!" I yelled, grabbing the attention of my mother and the 4 police officers talking to her, one being the fat man. If you don't recall who the fat man is, well he's the one that saw me trash the principles office the other night and tried to catch me. Keyword tried.
My mother looked at me shocked by my sudden appearance.
"Sasha, go inside until I come and get you ok?" Her voice was cold and demanding, it sent a shiver down my spine and I almost stopped breathing. She had never talked to me like that before. The voice she used then was the exact same as the day she told my father that everything was over between them two years ago.
I could never forget it, it scared me now just as much as it did then. I silently nodded and obediently went inside our house then sat on the couch in the living room. There were 3 key possibilities that may be occurring between the police and my mother on the other side of that door right now:
1- They are delivering some sort of sad news, to her that has put her in a bad mood.
2- They somehow found evidence that I trashed Greg's office and were informing my mother that it had been me.
And finally the third possibility, the worst.
3- She is finally beginning to realize that I'm not worth any of her love, and is going to somehow get me out of her life.
My breath hitched, If I lost my mother I don't know how I could possibly stay sane. She's my backbone, my wall. Without her, the flicker of hope for me finding who I am again would inevitably disintegrate and I would actually become a monster. I can't loose her. Because if I lose her, I would completely shatter and the pieces left of myself would be too small to put back together ever again.
After ten minutes on the couch alone in my thoughts. I had come to the conclusion that mother had finally realized how much of a disappointment and destruction to her life I was.
She was going to get rid of me, just like everyone else has done in the past.
I finally heard the front door creak open indicating that someone had finally come inside the house. I didn't move from my seat to engage with the person in case it was my mother. I just froze, I couldn't face her, I couldn't look into her eyes and see the hatred ad disappointment that was surely blazing through her gaze.
I felt someone approach the couch that I was sitting on from behind. I just sat and stared forward ignoring the presence that I felt behind me.
"Sasha." My mother's voice was sad and tired not like earlier when it was cold, It made me frown deeply. I made her sad, why did I have to destroy everyone around me. Why couldn't I just be normal, like I was before? Before the people of my past made me like this, this person who spreads pain and sadness.
Maybe it would be better if I was just gone.
"Sasha look at me, please" She pleaded desperately but I couldn't. I couldn't look at how much pain, I had caused her. She walked around the couch and stood in front of me; I still didn't look at her face or show her that I knew she was talking to me.
She gently grabbed my chin and slowly brought my eyes up to meet hers. What I saw in her eyes made my throat dry up.
I wanted to beg her to forgive me, ask for her not to make me leave, beg her not to look so broken and disappointed.
But I didn't.
Because if she let me go it would free her, she would be able to live happily with Greg and not have me put such a heavy weight on her shoulders. I made my decision in that moment, I gently brought my hands up and removed her hand off my chin.
She needed to let me go so that she could finally be happy.
I stood from my seat and held onto her hand tightly. I stared into her brown eyes, before dropping her hand letting it fall slowly to her side. She looked so shocked and confused.
I kissed my mother's forehead before grabbing my coat and walking out the door.
The police stood waiting for me with handcuffs in their hands. I zoned out of what they were saying as the attached the cuffs to my wrists and guided me to the police van. My eyes caught one last glance of my house, where my mother probably still stood frozen.
It was for the best; now she can be happy without me. I reminded myself.
The police slammed the door shut; I no longer could see my house or mom.
It was for the best. I told myself as they started the car and drove towards the station.
