Killer Bad Girl | COMPLETED

chapter | seventeen

I found myself at the local town bar, a half-empty bottle of vodka in my hand. Drinking away my problems, drinking away the pain. I let myself get way too emotional today. I allowed myself to be weak.

I promised him that I wouldn't cry. And I broke that promise. I let Nathan bring back parts of myself that I thought, I had lost. Parts of myself that I was content in losing. I didn't want to be the girl that cried, the girl that let others hurt her. I didn't want to be the old Sasha night.

But what I wanted, never mattered.

I brought the bottle back out to my mouth, the cold rim of the clear bottle pressed to my lips as the burning liquid ran down my throat. I felt myself slightly relax as the alcohol finally started doing its job.

Someone cleared their throat behind me, I turned towards the stranger. A boy, probably around my age, he resembled something of Alex pettier. Normally I wouldn't go for a guy like him, meaning a guy that hangs around a bar looking for drunk girls. But in my current intoxicated state, I couldn't think of anything better. I was intoxicated, in pain and needing a distraction.

I reached out and ran my hand down his chest, causing him to stiffen. I looked into his gray eyes while I used my spare hand to bring the bottle of vodka back up to my mouth. This guy. Something about him reminded me of my past in this town. I just couldn't put a name to his face. I never was good with memory. Hense my old nickname Dory that he once called me. I quickly retracted my hand from the guy's chest, causing the guy to frown and step towards me. He called my Dory.

Him. Ryder. Not this guy in front of me.

I felt my heart beat faster. Ryder.

NO stop! I don't want to think of him. Not now. I chucked my money on the counter, grabbed my bottle and guided the boy to the dance floor. The bodies grinded and shoved against each other, as I held the boy's wrist tight until I found an empty place on the dance floor. He came behind me placing his hands on my waist and we found ourselves falling in rhythm with the base. I chucked the now empty bottle of vodka on the ground and it got kicked around by the other dancers, I raised my hands above my head and moved my body in the sink with the guy, moving my hips, twisting my body and closing my eyes.

I did what I had to do, in order to forget.

Facing the memories of what happened to Ryder were worse than any other.

He was gone because of me.

No. Please no I begged myself. I shoved myself closer towards the guy. Basically begging him to make me forget the darkest memories that were begging to get into my head.

Normally I could control myself, if I wasn't intoxicated I could distract myself easily. But now; when I was here, in Rockside, when I was in this bar when I saw the old house we used to hang out in.

I couldn't forget Ryder.

He was in my head, like a virus I couldn't cure. Like a nightmare that I couldn't escape from. What happened to him was my biggest regret, he was gone because of me. He was gone because he chooses to protect me. I wasn't worth it. He shouldn't have come after me.

To much pain. Too many memories. I can't think about that, not Ryder. I could handle Nathan and Luke. But when I thought about Ryder and that time of my life. All I wanted to do was cry. To break down.

I roughly pressed my lips to the guy I was dancing with, in a desperate attempt to interrupt the memories threatening to arise. The guy froze, due to my sudden show of affection. I continued slowly moving my lips against his until he came to his senses and kissed me back. The stranger cupped my face with his soft hands, pulling me closer to him. Mirroring the desperation that I felt. But he kissed mine for different reasons. I kissed him to forget, he kissed me because of the same attraction that every other guy feels for me.