She returned a different person, with a new mindset and a new outlook to match it. The girl that once cared too much, no longer cared at all.
At almost 18 Sasha finally crosses the line with the police and is faced with two options. One, being to sp...
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ch 13. numb
Being numb is a strange way of living. It's what I feel often. A feeling I choose to let in when life gets a little too emotional or dramatic for me to handle.
It's a last resort I've always found myself taking. Just blocking out the pain, the love, almost all emotion. Blocking out everything and leaving nothing behind. Leaving the numbness where the everything that makes me human should be.
That's why I refer to myself as if I'm a monster. What else could I be? I've has chosen to block out everything that is essential to have a true humanity inside.
All that's left is for me to be a monster or a girl that lets everyone see her pain, lets people hurt her, lets people see her scars.
The deep scars left physically and mentally.
Sometimes the only way to preserve yourself is to build the strongest walls up. So that no one can see into the deepest deeps of your soul and see your weaknesses.
Tall walls so that you have something to lean on when you lose everything and everyone that you rely on.
Feeling numb is a choice and its one I chose to live with.
It's to live and be numb or to just stop living at all. To end everything. To end my own life.
What did I have to live for anyway? I had my mother.....Bun I don't anymore.
+ + +
"Sasha, are you ready?" I looked up at Damian and nodded stiffly. I arrived back from Vespers a couple hours ago, after eventually finding my way home that is. I got home to find a small letter from my mom on the counter saying and I quote;
'I'm so so sorry Sasha, but Greg had a major problem! His car broke down and he needs a lift to the executive school meeting. So I can't say goodbye. But I love you so much and be on your best behavior. I know you have a dark past there but try and forget about it for the 8 months. Xoxo'
After I read the letter, I scrunched it up and chucked it into the bin. It infuriated me that she didn't even say goodbye. But I couldn't help but get angry that she said: "I know you have a dark past there but try and forget about it for the 8 months." I can't believe she chooses for me to go back there in the first place. But for her to tell me to forget about my past was impossible.
She didn't even know what happened.
What happened to me, wasn't something any 16-year-old girl should have experienced let alone anyone. But the fact that, Luke got away with what he did, isn't fair it's disgusting. For all, I know he could still be doing that discussing shit. He was beyond messed up.
Except if Damien would be with me and he's a cop maybe I could finally get the revenge that I deserve.
I shook my head erasing the thoughts and followed Damien out of my house. We jumped into his black range rover and began driving towards the airport. I plugged my earphones in and turned the music up full volume.
This is it, I'm going back. Last time I saw them, lives were lost, love was lost, souls were lost.
Last time was in Rockside, I lost myself everything.
