Its been pretty hard to do everyday things now. I cant open a jar of pickles without a memory of Barbie popping up in my head. I missed him...allot. I didn't know what to do without him, i guess i didn't realize, how Important he was to my life. I never thought he would do this to himself-to me. I loved him and hatted him, GOD I MISSED HIM! Why would he do this to me? I walk over to the bus stop, when my mom came running after me.
"Yam! Where are you going? Stay home today, you don't need to go to school."She says as she pat's her hand on my shoulder. I tense up, Barbie shot back into my head, he used to do that.
"No, its OK mom. I want to go to school. It will get my mind off of every thing." I knew school would only bring even more memories but I had to get out of that house.
"OK, yamora but please try to be safe." she hugged me real tight "I would not survive without you." She must have been crying because i heard her sniff as she walked back into the house. I had been watching an old tv show about a fair that traveld acrocc the contry, it was called the freak show. it was all i had been waching to try to stop myself from thinking about him.
I felt something, something inside of me.I knew why he had done it. Because he wasn't "normal" he hide to hide what he was, and he couldn't take it anymore. Of course he was going to do it or at least something similar! I began to hate the world for killing my friend. I hated the group of girls, i hated my mom, i hated homophob's!
Once i got to school i felt this rage temporarily lifted when i saw lexy. Her head was down (unusual) and she was staring at her feet. I walked right passed her though, i didn't want her to say something that would make me hate her too. I went to my locker and looked in the mirror. I saw myself in it. Then again i didn't. I saw what everyone else see's I saw a hoax i saw a trick. Who i didn't see was Yamora riley nitenray A LESBIAN!!! The Governor made a speech A month ago after he was elected, He said he would press to make it so gays and lesbians are no more....He said they have research that says there are ways to cure us. WE DON'T NEED TO BE CURED THERE IS NOTHING WRONG! I must have been lost in thought, again, because she was talking to me and i didn't even notice.
"huh?" i asked shaking my head. she smiled slightly and repeated.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, He was a good guy."
"no he wasn't." i say, head down.
"huh..what do y-"
"he was a great guy, probably the best, he just couldn't take it anymore." I said, then without looking at her i ran straight to my first hour. I didn't want to talk to her. Not now, and if i did talk to her i didn't want to talk about Barbie. When i entered the room all eyes were on me even the teacher was staring at me. A group of girls took there eyes off me and immediately began talking again and class started up. I could swear i herd one of the girls say "He probably killed himself so he didn't have to deal with her anymore." I wanted to turn around and shout he was gay and killed himself cuz he couldn't take girls like you anymore. I didnt though becouse then they would ask me why i was dating him and stuff.
"excuse me. but if you could kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP that would great! Just shut up. No one likes gossip or drama so dont be a bully and shut up!" I told them. Their eyes were big and the teachers were bigger. She ignored my comment and pretended it never happened and continued class.
"That was rely brave of you." Lexy said as she packed up for home. Her locker was right next to mine so it was kind of hard to avoid her.
"Yeah but people should not have to be brave to stand up against bully's like them" she sighed and i felt like i needed to say more. "besides, you did it once I learned from the best" I winked at her and put my backpack on. I walked to the front doors of the school. she had protected me from my biggset bully before i met barbie.
"Hey!" she caught up to me. "you want to hang out today?" She asked
"Okay. sure why not." I said as i nodded. She took my hand and for the first time since Barbie died i felt fantastic.
We went to the icecream store before we went to her house i got cookies and cream while she got strawberry, i cant have starwberry cuz it reminds me of bad milk.
