twenty eight
Luke was bouncing on the balls of his feet as he got himself hyped up for the Sydney show. He did some leg kicks up and down the side stage, circling me every few lunges.
"Are you high?"
He laughed, "Nope."
"I've never seen you like this," I said, stunned.
Luke jumped to a halt next to me, out of breath with his cheeks a light red. "What if my parents are out there?" He asks with a smile, his eyes gleaming in the dark side stage black lights.
I brought my hands forward, leaning him down and kissing his forehead. "There's only one way to find out."
As soon as he walked out on stage, I regretted letting him. I wish I held him back. I could see his face fall more and more with each song. Every blaring note seemed to break his heart more and more and more.
Around song seven, I was pretty sure he was breaking. Song nine, he was definitely broken. I knew he knew his parents weren't somewhere in the thirty-thousand crowd. I don't know how he knew, but he did.
They broke him again. It's always a repetition with him. I think he was holding on for this date of tour, he was staying strong for this part of the tour. There's nothing.
Just a broken boy.
Luke came off stage after nineteen songs on the verge of tears. "They weren't there," he said as he passed me.
He didn't stop to talk to me, or his photographer, or Alex yelling his name. He went down to the dressing rooms and I was quick to follow.
Alex went in first, finding him curled up in a ball on the floor. He had his shoes kicked off, his thick star-printed socks the only thing peeking out from his all-black outfit. "Hey, hey, it's okay, it's okay." Alex knelt down and reached out his hand to feel over Luke's forehead.
"I hate this!" He yelled through a hiccup, his voice hoarse with pain.
I slowly sat down on the floor a few feet next to him. I looked at him, his face a beat red as tears rolled down his face. He was an ugly crier but I felt nothing more than sadness as I watched him cry his brain out.
"I know you do," his manager said quietly. Alex picked him up, pulling Luke into his spread legs and wrapping his arms around his waist. He rested his head on top of Luke's, kissing his hairline. "You're allowed to be sad, you're allowed to feel emotion. Talk to me, though, tell me what you're feeling." Alex's voice was soothing as he whispered calming words.
I looked up as their lights guy slowly closed the dressing room door, he knew Alex and Luke needed a moment without everyone seeing.
I felt weird being in this room, I didn't feel like I belonged. I didn't want Luke to look up and see me and begin to yell. I wanted him to calm down, I want him to be happy. Oh, God, all I want for him is to be happy.
I'm angry at his parents for nurturing their son then cutting him short the second he became what they didn't want. My heart was physically breaking, I felt short of breath as I watched him cry and sob.
"I don't fucking go out there for the fans, you fucking know that. You know I'm contracted to get up there every night of fucking tour and scream until my lungs give away, you know that."
Alex nodded. He began to rock Luke back and forth slowly like Luke was a child throwing a tantrum. He rubbed his back and spoke again, "I do know that, Luke, I wish I could change that."
"I know I was 16 and told you that this is what I want," he paused, hiccuped, and let out another squeak of a cry, "but it's not! I was wrong! I was wrong, I was wrong, I was wrong! I was fucking wrong!"
Alex kissed his forehead again and nodded, "I know, Darling. Your contract is up in December and I promise you that you don't need to renew it again. Make it work until then, go out strong."
I was watching the actual fall of Luke Hemmings. The worst thing about life is that you don't know where the peak is until it's gone. You don't know you were your happiest until it's over.
Luke cried, burying his head into Alex's neck and sobbing into the fabric of his black tee shirt. Alex looked up at me with no emotion in his dark, deep brown eyes. He licked over his lips and slowly shrugged his shoulders. He shook his head before looking back down.
He looked at the grown man in his arms, closing his eyes and letting his own silent tears fall from his eyes. "It's okay," he whispered to his client, "I've got you. I've got you forever, I promise." Alex squeezed him again, burying his own head into Luke's neck. "I promise, I won't let ago."
Luke's cries died down into dry heaving before he finally ceased to nothing. Alex readjusted himself so his legs laid outwards, Luke properly cuddling into his side. "You're the best family I've ever had," he told his manager, "I love you."
"I love you, too, Bud." Alex's fingers ran up and down Luke's sides as he stared at the wall across from them. "I'm sorry I yell at you, I worry for you a lot."
"I know you do." It was silent for a few moments before his quiet voice asked, "Where's Michael?"
My head perked up as I heard my name, "I'm over here." I spoke quietly, too afraid of ruining the moment. I didn't want them to know that I, too, was on the verge of tears.
I barely knew Alex and Luke for two months and, fuck, I was emotional for them. I don't know half the things they've been through, I can't imagine their minds. They have memories that I will never know.
"Come hug me," he sniffled, "please."
I got up, walking over to the other side of him. Alex lifted his arm, giving me space to spoon Luke. I rested my hand down on the curve of the blonde's back, my rough fingertips feeling over the curve of his spine and the bumps of his ribs.
"I love you, too, Michael."
I smiled, not saying a word. My breathing felt too loud, everything felt too fragile as Luke stayed sandwiched between Alex and I.
He fell asleep. Luke does that a lot. He gets too overwhelmed and falls asleep. I think he feels that sleep is better than being awake.
I don't want him to ever feel that way.
Thoughts?
Predictions?
No one dies.
