A Place Called Home

There is no air, no space, no escape; in every sense of the word it's pure freedom. There is a musky aroma of sweat and the undeniable sweet smell of Americas' favorite illicit drug which laces its way through my nostrils. I am surrounded by the pulsating bodies of people I hardly know; but still I call them family. They are pushing and pulling, practically clawing to reach the stage, desperately trying to achieve the conquest of every huge fan; to be noticed by their favorite artist. The feeling of my bare skin brutally battered and scraped up by the barrier separating my hero and myself is a small price to pay for lucky position of front and center. Though there are hundreds upon hundreds of people screaming, yelling, and shouting for a chance to be heard, a single voice of unadulterated emotion breaks through the fog of senseless tangled noises. He proclaims two words with his head raised high, eyes shining with love looking out into the massive crowd of bodies. He has two fingers raised high in the sky, and in that single moment nothing matters but what I am witnessing happen right in front of me. Absolutely nothing could possibly ever feel better than the energy and love coming from the people all around me, and no one would ever convince me that two fingers in the shape of an L and the two words "Lace Up" didn't have an immense amount of power in them. This is home for me, raging front row at a Machine Gun Kelly concert. As I am screaming every last lyric at the top of my lungs I am able to get completely lost in every song. I scream until my voice gives out and all I can do is smile, beaming up at the man who saved my life with tears of joy in my eyes.

A hero is defined by their ability to recover from the failures they have made, not only because of their appearance, social standing, or age. A hero is someone who finds a person at the bottom of a pit shadowed by grief and malice and does not hold out a hand to help you up; but instead motivates and inspires you to get up and climb out yourself. Machine Gun Kelly (MGK) is my hero because he did this for me; he helped me save myself from the edge of destruction with his music and his movement. It wasn't one of those corny scenes from a movie where I heard a MGK song and "poof" I saw the light and my life made sense again; it was very gradual. A friend introduced me to his music and I started listening to him. Some of his songs were great when I was angry; I would be shaking with anger and "Hell Yeah" always put a smile on my face. Others were what I needed when I just needed to listen to a good piece of music. Lyrics started effecting me, "Scratchin at the surface, but the bottom's where I'm at. Only place my addiction will tell me I'm free at last," just by hearing strife and grief breakthrough in the words I connected very strongly with his songs. I began to really admire and respect MGK as an artist and person. I began to research him and found out about his Lace Up movement and EST, his family-like fan base. I learned that EST means everyone stands together and that Lace Up can means something different to each fan, but at the root it kind of means, "you can make it through whatever comes your way." The more I listened to the songs the better I felt; through his songs I realized that it was okay for me to be me. I had been trying to conform into society's mold for so long that I hadn't realized that accepting me was an option too. I guess you could say after that things sped up. Looking back I'm not even sure how it all happened, one day I just looked up from my miserable life saw there were people there who had found their way to me through the paths that Machine Gun Kelly had laid brick by brick with each word in every lyric of all the songs he had ever made.

My first time at a real show I was stuck in the back and super inexperienced, not only was it my first MGK concert it was my first concert ever! I had no clue what to expect or how to tackle the monster that it proved to be. I have been to many concerts since this one but it is still my favorite; how could I not love the concert that laid the foundation for where I am in my life right now? As I remember it, I got elbowed in the jaw during a mosh pit, kicked in the shin during "Wild Boy," a guy ended up pouring his beer down my back, and a really tall guy picked me up and moved me in front of him stating that it was for my protection. I went home that night exhausted and bruised, but I knew that it had been a life-changing night for me because I had never had that much fun before.For lack of better words, I was hooked. Concert after concert got better and, around the third show I caught on that all of the shows were different. It was the same tour, but the shows all held a different kind of unique beauty about them and this sort of wild untamed energy. In the process of going to more shows I began making more EST connections and going to the concerts with other EST people. Shows gave me so much to look forward to; it was a time to have fun and just be in the space. I could let out any or all of my emotions and no judgment would be found. It's because of these shows that I have some of my closest friends to date and I find it amazing that after so long they still carry that same magic that they did when I first started going to them.

I say that my place to call home is the front row at a Machine Gun Kelly concert because I started in that desolate pit and MGK saw me there and he didn't offer me a hand to help me out. Instead, he fashioned a bright light made from his songs and set it at the top of the pit so it would a constant inspiration for me to climb out of the wretched ditch to reach it. When I finally reached the bright light I was standing bruised and scraped smashed against a barrier, surrounded by the pulsating bodies of my family, with the musky smell of sweat snaking its way through my nose. The people, the venue, and the songs may change over time but there is always this unbreakable connection I feel when Machine Gun Kelly graces the stage and his voice breaks through all the yelling and chanting as he proclaims two words with his head raised high, eyes shining with love looking out into the massive family he built up.