The Unknown

Dreams

I knew I was dreaming but it felt so real, It always did it was the same every night.

I was walking through my house I was only small and I was crying I didnt know why yet but something felt wrong and  couldnt find Mummy or Daddy.

I heard someone else crying I listen and it's Mummy I try to find her all I can hear her say is " keep her safe, he cant get her, he just cant" and she carries on sobbing into my fathers arm then there is a loud bang it scares me and I cried harder Mummy see's me as she comes to pick me up some thing gets her.

she cries out and then they're gone. 

I cry harder feeling confused

Then I hear a voice, it's so close to me I can feel the warm breath

"Its ok Lill I'll keep you safe once you return, never worry"

thats usualy when I wake up crying still tingling from feeling the warm breathe on my neck

when I told my first foster family of my dreams when I was seven they sent me to a phsyciatrist who said that was probably not what happened to my parents and that I was just  scared child traumatised by my abandonment and because I was small when it happened that my subconscience had made it up for someone to blame for them leaving me. every phsyciatrist I had seen had said the same thing

I didnt think they had left me and i still don't, they were the perfect parents they worked from home from the minute I was born  so they never had to leave me, and we always went out and spent time together and I cant remember a day they hadnt told me they loved me. I know it seems sickening but when you have no family for twelve years its those things you miss.

I couldnt imagine my parents abandoning me. but at this point what was I supposed to believe I had no contact from them since and no one had come to save me from foster home after foster home of drunken 'Dads' and 'Mums' that were in it for the money.

Chris's mum had found me the next day in the corner of the hallway still crying she took me to her house and she looked after me she tried to keep me but she wasnt allowed due to the fact she was a lone parent.

I told Chris what I thought happened after the dreams started he never gave me the look other adults did or tell me I was wrong as the phyciatrists did, He understanded but was as baffeled as I am as to what happened that night.

It killed us both when I was moved away the social services thought it best if I moved away from the memories that night. little did they know they followed me everywhere.

But we kept in close contact always talking on the phone texting emailing and if I was moved closer we met up.

it wasnt enough I missed my best friend. I'd never really made any other friends anywhere I moved I wasnt usually there long enough. Chris had been my rock, My best friend and my only family.