Story Of Another Me

Young love

                 

Dear Stranger,

It's officel I'll go to Australia for four months. I'm so freaking exited. I'll be gone for four months. I will not have to face my teachers, my parents, or friends.

Since we're already talking about friends. I think I outgrow my best friend, maybe it's just a phase or something but I feel like we don't really fit together at the moment. She also kinda ignores me, I just constantly feel like the friend everyone hates.

I also told her about my depression a few months ago, but I feel like she either forgot about it or she doesn't believe me. She now has a boyfriend, they were at my place yesterday and I was third wheeling so hard. Seeing them cuddling and kissing made me feel so lonely. I know that adults say I'm just a teenager and I don't have to fall in love now and that young love isn't real love anyway. But I don't think so. I share the opinion of my dad. Young love is so much more passionate. When you're young you feel like you're in some kind of rush and you feel like you're walking on clouds and shit like that. I feel like when you're older you're not really searching for love anymore, you're searching for someone you feel comfortable with and you want to settle down. (When I say "older" I mean like 40- 50 +)

I really want to feel this rush. I need somebody who loves me. They say you can't love someone when you don't love yourself but I already felt this rush a bit before and oh my god loving someone else made me forget what hating myself felt like.
But I also don't want someone to fall in love with me. I'm somehow sure I would cheat. I mean I make out with everyone, doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl.
Don't trust me. I will make you feel special and take you to places so whenever you go back to them you can't think of anything else than me. And I will leave you. I'm sure I will. I am a bad person. I always do bad things and everyone I do right does me wrong.

Sincerely, Casta