The Mors Project

7|Regrets, Apologies, and The Hospital

I don't know what happened to me.

I don't remember what happened.

I only remember passing out.

Oh my God.

The events flooded through my mind.

My chest pains.

Joseph and Jana's argument.

James' intervention.

My being the hero.

Joseph punching my nose.

My breathing problems.

My heart acting like a horse in a race.

Then, I vaguely remembered something about the hospital and being carried before I passed out.

Where am I?

I opened my eyes to see a white ceiling. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the brightness. I had to blink a few times so my eyes could adjust.

I felt my body on the bed and a hand holding mine. I craned my neck to see that I was indeed in a hospital room. I cringed at the thought.

I really don't like being in hospitals. They creep me out.

I tried to breathe through my nose and realized I couldn't. I tentatively reached my hand up to touch it and felt something like gauze. I think they stuffed my nostrils with the thing to stop the bleeding. Joseph is one hell of a strong puncher.

Well, if there's one good thing about having some sort of padding up your nose, it's the fact that you can't smell the scent of the hospital. I have a strong dislike of the foul smell of all the cleaning products.

I scowled at the annoyingly white walls, bed sheets and everything. I don't really get why practically everything has to be white. It looked too innocent, like it was hiding something gruesome behind its white walls. I shook my head, trying to clear my mind.

I looked over at the person who was holding my hand.

It was Joseph and his gaze was fixated on his phone.

"Hey," I mustered, my voice a bit hoarse. He jumped a little at the sound of my voice. I thought I even saw him wince a little.

"Hi, Liz," he said, offering a small smile. "How're you doing?"

"I'm alright, I guess. I don't feel any more pain," I answered, a sigh escaping my lips. "What happened to me?"

JP let go of my hand and fiddled with the zipper of his jacket. His eyes were full of guilt and I could see that the darkness that clung to him like a shadow earlier was now gone.

"You passed out," he replied, biting his lip. Here comes the apology.

"Oh my God, Liezel. I'm so sorry! I didn't mean for you to get hurt. You just had to play the fucking hero and look where it landed you. James wouldn't let me hear the end of it. Jana won't talk to me, partly because I told her but... that's not my point. I'm so sorry, Liz. I never meant for you to get into the hospital. I should have known better... I know how you get into panic attacks easily and...."

He paused, running his hands through his hair. He looked entirely frustrated and I almost wanted to tell him that everything's alright. But, I know he wasn't finished yet.

"I wasn't myself. I never would have intended to hit James, much less you. Fuck. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it... I- I wasn't in the right state of mind. Jayson almost killed me after we brought you here. Agh. They're all mad at me... Mom already knows and she'll have my head and- and... This is horrible! You're in a hospital and you have a broken nose because of me," he rambled on, making nervous gestures with his hands. I didn't think he noticed.