Revenge of the Teenage Geek

Chapter One

September 1st

Good morning bitches,

If you're reading this then one of two things must have happened. Either I've pulled off my brilliant master plan without a hitch, or I got killed by some jealous hoe in the process and this is the only thing they found on my person. Well whoever you are, it's nice to make your acquaintance, and prepare to be amazed.

This is not a normal diary. I'm not going to write out my inner-most teenage angst over some boy that I have a crush on. I'm not going to pen pages and pages of whinging over whether or not my parents understand me. This is so much more than that. This is not a normal diary, this is a playbook.

This is the place for me to write out the punishments that I will deal out to those popular bitches so that they can get their just deserves. I will take you step-by-step on my whirlwind journey to becoming the most popular girl in school, and then playing those who came before me at their own game. And no, I'm not a mean person. In fact, let me take you back a step so that you can understand exactly how I got to this point.

My entire life I've been a loser, the bottom of the social food chain. I've always been shy and kept myself to myself, but that never seemed to stop everyone else at my school seeking me out purely to make my life miserable. If you are lucky enough to be home schooled, or live in some weird far away country where teaching is done from the back of a van or in a shack, then let me tell you that high school is a bitch. Everything you've read in books or seen in movies is true. You see I'll let you in on a secret. There is only one way to become, and remain, popular. And that is exclusivity.

If being popular is an exclusive thing that only a few can achieve, then everyone is always going to continue to pine after those lucky enough to have managed it, and wishing that one day they could be popular too. But how do they ensure this high level of exclusivity? Well, that boils down to a number of things. Firstly, good genes. How better a way to make something exclusive than by ruling 70% of people out before they were even born? If you want to be popular, you have to look good. You have to have acne-free skin, beautiful hair, a perfectly proportioned body. In short, you had to be aesthetically perfect.

But this is not where the good genes must end. You also need to come from a rich enough family that you can afford luxuries such as nice clothes, a car, a gym membership – the list could go on forever. Moreover, you need to possess the ability to talk to people. You can't be the shy, meek girl sitting in the corner. Any social anxiety must be gone from your persona as soon as you enter the school building – how else are all the popular beauties going to meet each other?

And there's one more thing that is needed to maintain this exclusivity of a popular lifestyle. And that, sadly for anyone not blessed with the good genes, is bitchiness. The pure catty and, frankly, bullying behaviour that means that you will always remain at the top. They had to be mythically feared. After all, who's going to be able to overthrow a queen if they know full well that they'll bear the brunt of some humongous tyrannical attack as soon as they try?

I'd been subject to such popular people my whole life. As they wondered around trying to clutch onto this public adoration they had amassed, I was the girl sitting meekly at the back of the classroom. Too afraid to say anything to them. Too scared to try and make friends of my own. This was not helped by the fact that I lacked any of the most traditional conventions of beauty. Living in California, everyone was blonde and tanned and gorgeous. Sadly I inherited my Scottish father's red hair, which led to an unfortunate burn permanently etched onto my skin. My wiry hair went frizzy in the humidity, making my face a round, red circle, where one was unable to tell what was hair and what skin.