A Shattered Mind

Chapter 1

Glass shattering, blood rushing, heart stopping, flat line... That was all I could hear as I entered the hospital room. Doctors and nurses rushed past me, but not one tried to push me from the room, probably because I wasn't doing anything but standing there in shock, holding onto a small amount of hope. The head doctor sighed after a few moments, "Call it." 7:06 p.m...Just like that, all hope was gone. I had just lost my mother to something she had been battling for nearly a year now, cancer. I stared blankly at her body, her frail, lifeless body. She was all I had left... My dad skipped out when he found out she was having me, I was an only child, and her family wanted nothing to do with me or her. I had just lost my lifeline, my motivator, my best friend. What was I supposed to do now?

~Flashback~

I laughed as the smoke detector went off, mom was never much of a cook. We practically lived off of takeout. There were rare nights, like tonight, that she attempted to cook up a proper meal. It never failed to end with the fire department showing up or calling to see if she was once again trying to cook. I shook my head as I walked into the kitchen, just in time to see her pull out an unfamiliar burnt lump from the oven. She quickly tossed it onto the stove and threw a towel over the smoke detector. She looked at me and grinned sheepishly. "Pizza sound okay, Lorelai?" I laughed and walked over to her, giving her a small hug. "Pizza sounds perfect, mom." She kissed the top of my head and moved for the phone, ordering the same order she always did, rolling her eyes playfully at me.

~-~-~-~-~

The memory faded into the back of my mind as I stared out into the graveyard. It had been 4 months since I had to say goodbye to her. Four long months that began my downward spiral in life. I didn't only lose a mother that day, I lost myself and my will to keep up the appearance that I was even remotely okay. I came to see her every day after school, I would sit by her grave and cry for hours until my throat was raw and no more tears would roll from my eyes.

I hated it, the looks of pity I got everywhere I would go. I think the only reasons my teachers were still passing me was because they felt bad for me. I used to be a straight A student, I was at the top of my class... None of that seemed to matter now. I didn't care for anything at this point, especially not myself. My mom would be so disappointed in me if she were still here. I know she would be, but I can't find it in me to give a damn. I stood up, wiping my nearly dried tears from my cheeks. I looked down at her grave, "Until tomorrow, I love you so much.." I wish she were still here, so I wouldn't have to battle my inner demons alone, but if she were here, I wouldn't be hurting this bad. Another day to barely get by, another day I seemed to be falling more towards the edge. Another day to push on, because that is what she would want me to do.

~-~-~-~-~

"Now, to find the value of x you need to..." I zoned out the minute Mr. Adams began to lecture. Math used to be my favorite subject, mom used to tease me all the time about how I was better at math than I was at making friends. She was right, I didn't really have any friends. I had always stuck to myself and focused on my school work, other people were never a priority. All I ever needed was my mom, and now that she was gone, I had absolutely nobody. I stared out of the window to my right just as the thunder rolled through the dark sky. Lightening cracked not even a moment later, reflecting the storm that was brewing inside of me. I honestly do not know why I had decided to get out of my bed this morning, it was her birthday today. She would have been 38... I couldn't bring myself to stay in that empty house any longer than I had to. The bell rang, interrupting any thoughts I was about to dive into. Oddly enough, math was my last class of the day. I walked out towards the parking lot that was flooding with the rest of the student body.

As I stared into the different cliques that were piling together in the lot, I wondered exactly where I fit in these days. I looked around warily, mentally checking off people from the list. Band geeks, no. Jocks, no. Popular kids, hell no. The list went on in my head, until I found myself circling back around to the loners and outcasts. I watched them, their movements, their actions. To me, they seemed like the only crowd who rang true to themselves. I saw one of them, a female, reach into her pocket and remove a flask. I wasn't stupid, I knew exactly what contents were inside of it. I was actually kind of surprised when she tilted it up after opening it, not even trying to conceal it from the others around. That's when I noticed something, not a single soul was paying a lick of attention to this group. Not. One.

The girl lowered the flask and looked my way, noticing my dumbfounded expression, she winked. Her friends noticed her diverted attention and looked my way as well. My eyes glanced over all of them, but only one stood out to me the most.
He was the type of guy that made you turn and look twice to see if he was real. He had his flaws, his cracks in that porcelain skin, but he was beautiful. I didn't even know his name, but he sparked something inside of me the minute he cocked an eyebrow. I scoffed, deciding I hated him then and there for making me feel anything at all. I shouldn't be allowed to feel anything when my mother would forever feel nothing anymore. I swallowed hard, and turned my back, deciding against walking over. I hitched my bag higher up on my shoulder, got in my car, and drove home to silence. I didn't notice the eyes following me as I left, or the mind that was turning with the thoughts of getting to know that broken girl. I didn't know my world was about to be flipped even more upside down.