I felt her pain or at least some of it.
Well.. at least I think I did and all that paint brought me to my knees.
Her pain made me sob.
Her pain made a question my existence.
Her pain made me finally understand that this yearly phenomenon will never end.
I know she cares about me.
But In this moment I can't help but think maybe if I die she will-
Maybe if I die...if I die...nothing. None if this (life) will matter anymore because I will be dead. Yes, I am self destructive but self deconstruction is my only way of self preservation.
"Ha! It's funny. That self preservation is going to get me killed."
I just don't know at this point. Im just a fuck up with something seriously mentally wrong with me, and I know I'm not going to make to 16. So If I die tonight this is goodbye.
-Love ........
