Sugar Lust

Chapter Five

Millie was wrapped in a soft yellow blanket as Emmeline listened to her suck loudly on her fingers in the plastic car seat Nicholas had bought at a second-hand store a few weeks before. It was decorated with multicolored balloons and had a small stain on the side, but no one could see the imperfections with the precious baby inside. Nicholas had insisted on paying for everything himself, especially after how his parents had reacted to their joyous news, saying this was the first step in proving that they were ready for this.

That morning, a few days after Emmeline gave birth, while the clouds outside were heavy and gray, the doctor came and congratulated Emmeline, saying she could take Millie home. It was good news, Emmeline said to herself, sick of the bland industrial hospital food and the uncomfortable bed. But, as she started to pack up Millie's presents and the other things she had needed for her stay in the hospital, a crushing apprehension began to take hold of her mind, threatening to squeeze out the tiny amount of confidence she had been trying to round up. In a few hours, if something went wrong, it would be up to her to figure it out. It wasn't like Nicholas could be there for the 4 am feedings, or Millie's midnight screaming fests that she already seemed prone to. The worst part of it all was that she couldn't even admit to anyone that she was nervous. Between her mother wanting to over help, and Nicholas's Mother wanting to take Millie, Emmeline felt like she was suffocating under a microscope that was only going to become more intense. She couldn't escape the knowledge that one wrong move and it was a very real possibility that Millie would be taken away from her. She knew she wasn't the ideal Mom; young, without her own house, her own car, or even a job to support them. She didn't even know what she wanted to do with her life; a torment that weighed heavily on her mind. At least for now, Nicholas had managed to hold his Mother at bay, insisting that she had given them a chance to prove to them what he and Emmeline could do. His father surprisingly backed him up, which came as a welcome shock. When it came to household decisions or anything that came to the children, Nicholas' father never questioned his wife. They had a staunchly traditional household; he brought in the money, she ran the house.

After the nurse dropped off their final release paperwork, Emmeline reached into the car seat, gently pulled Millie out, and sat helplessly on the edge of the bed.

"What am I doing?" she asked Millie, gently stroking her little tuft of brown hair. "I don't know how to do this." She turned the baby around so that she could peer into her alert and inquisitive little eyes. "The only thing I can promise is that I will do the best I can for you, and no matter what. I will never let anyone take you away from me." She wished she felt as upbeat as she sounded. Maybe if it wasn't so gloomy outside, then she'd feel a little better. Ginny's life motto, ' Fake it, 'till you make it', came to her mind. There was going to be a whole lot of faking it going on!

Nicholas walked in the door with an armful of fresh-smelling pink Gerber daisies wrapped in crinkly pink paper, and Emmeline sighed. "You're too good to me."

"Not near good enough," he smiled and handed her the bundle. Emmeline took a deep whiff of their distinctive cherry pie smell and noticed he was still holding one more flower, a perfect pink rose, in a clear cellophane wrapper.

"This is for Millie. I want to be the first man who gives her flowers." The sentiment brought tears brimming to Emmeline's eyes, which Nicholas wiped away and then kissed her on the forehead.

Together they gathered up the bags, flowers, baby presents, and the over-the-top giant big teddy bear that Callum had left for Millie, and headed outside to the car.

"I can't stand to be apart from her," said Nicholas as they slowly walked across the parking lot. "I wish we could all be together all the time."

"Me too," said Emmeline wishfully. "What else can we do? We can't afford our own place." This was not the picture she has in her mind when she was little playing house with her friends in multicolored tutus, fantasizing for when she would have babies of her own. It was gut wrenching. She may be young, but it didn't change the hopes and dreams that she wanted for her baby's life. Millie should have both her parents with her all the time.