The Boy Who Just Wanted to Get it Right

Minus One Plus One

Once again, Joe was sitting on his couch, crying into the shoulder of a friend whilst Max sat on the floor. But this time, Teresa wasn't the the one he got to cry into. She was gone. Never coming back. Dead. And it was all his fault. He couldn't take it anymore. Was he going to kill all of his fucking friends? Alex held him tighter as he sobbed. Lex hadn't deserved this. Teresa didn't deserve this. Neither did her brother or her mother. But look where they were. Dead.
"Joe do you want me to get you anything?" Max asked trying to find something to cheer him up.
"No. Not really. I kinda just want Alex right now." There was a pause as Max gave him a face.
"You know what, Joe? I'm sick of it! I'm sick of sitting here watching you choose another friend over me and push me away when I try to help you! Teresa was my friend too! I should be at home, crying on my mom's shoulder, but no! I'm here trying to make you feel better! And I'm done! I'm done babying you and trying to be your friend when obviously I don't matter that much to you! Have a nice fucking life, Joe Kerrings!" Max screamed the last sentence and ran out the house. Joe said nothing and kept his head on Alex's chest. It had been an hour and Joe hadn't moved an inch. Hadn't even spoken. Alex broke the silence.
"Joe, I really have to go. M-my parents are going to be home. I have to go and take off and hide my binder before they get home. I'm sorry."
The following week felt like the loneliest one he'd ever had. Max didn't sit with him at lunch. Didn't speak to him. Didn't walk with him. Teresa and Lex were gone. Things between him and Alex seemed awkward. Neither of them knew why. Alex sat and walked with him, but there was hardly ever talking. He had picked up the habit of digging his nails into his palms. If he was depressed or anxious, he would focus on the pain. It didn't help that he didn't get antidepressants anymore. He felt worse after stopping taking them than he did before he even took them. But he wasn't going to talk about any of it. He already lost Max because all he did was worry about his problems. He wasn't going to do that with Alex too.

Eventually he decided that he needed to be closer to Alex. He was the only friend Joe had right now, so he decided that he should try to learn more about him. Before he knew it, he and Alex were sitting criss-cross on his living room floor. It was almost eight pm. Joe was doing something when suddenly Alex grabbed his hand. He had pulled Joe's sleeve up enough to see the self harm marks he'd left there.
"Joe..," Alex said. Alex looked at him for a while. He hugged him for what seemed like forever. He examined the cuts again.
"Th-they're not deep," Joe said. "I only used my Ma's earring."
"Why?"
"Why did I do it?" He paused. "I don't know. It helped. It was distracting and helped me cope. I didn't know what else to do."
"Where's the earring?" Joe walked to his room and grabbed the hidden hoop underneath his folded socks and ran it downstairs. He handed Alex the earring. He put it back in his hand.
"Take it," he began, putting it in Joe's hand making him grab it. He pointed the piece that goes inside the piercing towards his own wrist. "And whatever you want to do to yourself, do to me right now." Joe looked at Alex like he just told him he had a plethora of dildos hiding in his hair.
"Absolutely not."
"Why?"
"Because I care about you, Alex. I don't want to hurt you."
"I care about you Joe, I don't want you to hurt yourself. Please stay strong. For me." Alex gently took away the earring and placed it on the coffee table.

The rest of the night was amazing. The pair talked on and on. There wasn't a single topic that ceased to be of interest. They talked of bands, emotions, family, and anything else that came to mind. By the time the sun rose, neither noticed they'd not slept a second that night because Alex was too busy playfully throwing board game pieces at Joe because he had lost to him, and Joe was too busy grabbing a handful and ducking behind the couch, preparing to fire back. The two went together like pieces of song that hadn't made sense until played they were together. Alex yawned, causing Joe to do so also. As he was still yawing, Alex threw a board game piece into his mouth. He giggled as Joe spit it out and threw it back. They fell on the floor laughing. Why were they laughing so hard? It wasn't even that funny! I guess everything's funnier with your friends. They calmed down and sat on the couch using their phones. Before Joe noticed, Alex was asleep, leaning on him. Realizing how tired he was, he followed suit.

For the first time in a long time, Joe hadn't had a nightmare. That was, until he woke up to one. "JOE!" His mother screamed. "GET YOUR NASTY ASS OFF MY COUCH! AND LOOK AT THIS GODDAMN MESS!" She wailed and threw her bag on the floor. Alex sleepily woke up. He looked so beautiful.
"And whaT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? AN IT? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
"Ma, stop!" Joe cried desperately.
"WHY SO YOU CAN BRING ALL YOUR LITTLE FRIENDS OVER AND SLEEP WITH THEM? YOU LITTLE SLUT!"
"Alex, go. Before things get bad."
"I'm not gonna leave you here like this, Joe."
"I deal with it all the time, I'm okay, please just go!" And with that Alex ran out the door with a pleasant goodbye from Joes mother. And by pleasant goodbye I mean her throwing the nearest thing she could find at him which happened to be a magazine.
"MA, STOP!" Joe screamed, shoving her by the shoulders. Joe's mom grabbed him by both of his wrists as he clenched his fists. His face was pink. He kicked her with little effect, looking that of a small child having a hissy fit. His mom let go of his wrists just before he ran to cry in his room alone. Unfortunately for him, he left the earring on the coffee table.

Later that day he overheard her talking on the phone at the kitchen bar.
"I don't know what to do with him!" She was probably talking to her sister. That's always who she called to bitch to.
"He's acting like a nasty little slut! And when I confront him he acts like an infant!"
"Sounds like he needs a beating to me," her sister said from the other end. His mom cackled at that. He hid back in his room, not wanting to hear more. His phone vibrated. It was Alex. He'd been trying to contact Joe ever since he'd left. Joe felt too guilty not to reply.
"Hey, I'm okay. I'll talk to you later, I need to go now." He texted. Then he went back to sleep.

He woke up sweating. Another nightmare. What time was it? His clock said eleven pm. He decided he would go for a walk. He went to the park and climbed on top of the monkey bars. He sat there silently for at least twenty minutes. After a while, he was joined by someone else.
"Mind if I join ya?" The young girl said.
"Wha- who- what are you doing here? You seem kinda young to be alone in the park at night."
"I could say the same about you, my friend."
"How do you know I'm not some kind of child predator? Or murderer, or-"
"I've seen you around school, Joe. I know you're not a predator."
"What about murderer? I've killed two of my best friends already."
"You didn't kill them. You're just a very unfortunate soul, Joe Kerrings."
"You seem to know me so well, what's your name?"
"Harbor. Harbor Aair."