Words that I have set free

Feminist

I always considered myself a feminist. I used the word with every occasion I had and since I was a little kid, I had strong opinions about how women should be treated by men and by society in general. I grew up surrounded by news about women being abused or being treated unfair and I always asked myself "Why don't they just leave? Why those women take the abuse and decide to settle for less than what they deserve?". I never was able to come up with an answer that could fully satisfy me.

A couple of months ago, I stumbled across Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's video on Ted Talks on YouTube. I admit it: I only started to watch it because it was named "We should all be feminists". I think it was a pretty long video. At the end of it, I was left speechless. Not only this woman treated the matter with a smile and on a joking tone, but she said exactly what needed to be said. And most importantly, she answered the questions I was asking myself. Why those women remained prisoners of their life? Because that's what they've been taught. Are there any good reasons for accepting to be treated unfair? No, there are not. Watching Chimamanda speak about feminism, made me realize that there is absolutely no reason at all for a woman to accept to be treated poorly. And especially to accept to be treated unfair just because she is a woman.

We are taught since childhood that boys behave in a certain way and girls are supposed to behave in a different way.

We are taught to "act like a lady", to "think like a lady" and to be active in just some areas. Women should know how to cook. Women should know how to do laundry. Women should be wife material. And what wife material means? It means that in order to get married, a woman should have certain traits and behave in a certain way.

We are placing so much pressure on women, we are expecting so much from women and yet we limit their activity. We teach girls that it's okay to be a nurse, but that it's hard for them to be a surgeon because girls are supposed to be much more sensitive than boys. We teach girls that being a teacher it's appropriate for a lady, but being a mechanic or a truck driver it's just for boys. We are discriminating girls and in this way, we are also putting pressure on boys too. We are discriminating girls ever since childhood. A little girl who wants to play with toy cars is seen as a strange phenomenon and attempts to make her play with dolls are made.

For 21 years I said I was a feminist, but when I heard Chimamanda, it was clear to me that I was an ignorant. I considered myself a feminist only because I had certain opinions about how women should be treated and because I considered females the equals of men. But I had no idea how oppressed women are still.

I was blessed to be raised in freedom. I know now that I was one of those lucky girls who could play freely with toy cars. My parents never tried to suppress my appetite for cars. My family never said "you shouldn't play with that, it's not for girls" or "that's a toy for boys only". My brother was never told "you shouldn't play with dolls, they're for girls". For 21 years, I assumed that this kind of behavior is present everywhere. But it's not. Some parents even think that if a little boy plays with dolls, he will become gay. And that's a really stupid thing to think. I can tell you from experience that toys won't make you gay. Nothing can make you gay. But that's another subject. What I am trying to say is that gender discrimination should stop.

Nowadays, when you say "feminist" people look at you weird. It's like you just said the F word. And it has to stop.

And like Chimamanda said, when you say "feminist", you think of a woman. But this shouldn't be the case. Plenty of people are feminists even if they don't call themselves like that. I know boys that defend women's rights. I think I know more boys than girls who do this. And it's puzzling. As girls, we should be uniting. We don't need to slut shame ourselves. We don't need to judge each other. If we want to solve the problem, we have to start with the basics. If girls call each other names, why wouldn't boys do the same?

The change should start from here.

Girls are not "the weaker sex". Girls are not "dumber than boys". Girls are not "less strong than boys".

I applaud those girls who are not afraid to stand up for themselves. I am so happy to see that girls have conquered every work field.

We are not weaker than anyone. We are simply vagina-born. I won't apologize for not having a penis. And nobody should. People are people. Gender discrimination should stop.