What We Once Were | ✔

16 | Joseph

I miss him.

My head felt like it was bring squeezed each time I took a breath, my throat swelled causing breathing to be so hard. I've held it in for weeks now, I've tried so hard to be the strong one but I can't, I can't keep it in. Tears dripped from my eyes as everything I wanted say came out, why? Why did dad have to go? My chest swelled, I cried louder and louder unable to keep quiet, why now? Dad will never get to us graduate, he won't be able to take pictures of us when we smile anymore, my voice grew cracked as I cried.

Dad will never get to see August and I get married, he'll never get to see us grow up.

I crouched in the corner of my room, my arms covered my crying face, I just want my dad back. I want to see him again!

"I just want my dad back...." I whispered hoarsely, "please God, I just want to talk to him again....."

I pushed my hair back, I know people die, I know we don't know when they do but it still hurts all the same. My eyes grew dim with the sun gone outside, I forced myself up stumbling to my bed, I laid down looking up at the ceiling.

"I just want him back..." I whispered.

A knock came from my door, I jumped from the sudden noise, I weakly stood up to the door. "August?" I whispered.

"Yeah, Joseph, it's me." Her voice was muffled, I pressed my forehead against the door. "Are you okay?"

I smiled weakly to myself, "no.....I'm not."

She rattled the door handle loudly, "let me in, Joseph."

"I c-can't," I whispered, she knocked on the door louder. "I'm a mess."

"Joseph." August softly said my name, "please, let me in, please."

My hand gripped the door handle, what am I doing? Pushing August away like this, it's not fair to her or me, twisting the handle I opened the door to her.

"Joseph!" She threw her arms around my neck pulling me into a hug. "Are you okay?"

"No..." I whispered, she let go looking up at me with concerned eyes.

"What's wrong?" She looked down, "well, I know what's wrong it's just...." August sat down on my bed putting her face into her hands.

"I've never seen you like this....." Her voice was soft, "I don't what to do...."

I knelt down beside her, "August, just being here is enough." I pulled her hands away smiling at her.

"No..." She breathed, "it's not, I want to fix this but I can't....."

I pushed myself beside her, "August, I want to fix everything too but I can't, not by myself."

She looked at me with a weak smile, "yeah, that sucks doesn't it?"

I closed my eyes, "it does but we have each other, we'll be fine." I opened them smiling up at August. "God's watching us."

She smiled nodding, "He is."

August peered down at me with a curious look, "what about you?" She asked.

"What about me?"

"You know, you decided to take responsibility for mom and I," she paused, "how are dealing with it?"

"Trying to keep it in, not doing so well with it though," I laughed, a smile spread on August's face.

"I heard you crying," she mumbled, she ran her hand through her hair, "I guess not."