ochlophobia ↳ jjk

둘

비가 오는 짙은 색 서울 그 위에

비 나나

i stared at the pale blue wall.

my finger moved across the keyboard of my laptop while the other hand held chopsticks. the paused movie on the screen had been sitting there for nearly ten minutes, i hadn't had the motivation to keep it playing.

the large amount of noodles on my chopsticks went straight into my mouth, they were already cold. i sighed and set the half empty bowl on my bedside table before shutting my laptop.

times like these—sitting alone on my bed, lights out and an empty house—made me wish i had friends to hang out with. my parents wouldn't get home until late, so we could never have dinner together. yet i was still expected to be the happiest girl to them.

while deep in thought, the pitter patter of the raindrops against my window seized. i glanced to see the gloomy sky covered in grey clouds, only to find one streak of sun piercing through them. a silver lining.

i sighed and sat up in bed. it was time i went out and left my state of living under a rock. even if I did end up alone, it was better to be alone with people than alone by yourself. if that even made sense.

another sigh.

i stood up and out of bed, unwrapping myself from my warm blankets. i shivered almost immediately when coming in contact with the cold air. dammit, did i forget to shut my window?

i took my jacket from my headboard and wrapped it tightly around myself. the weather outside was starting to clear up, that was good.

quickly, i made my way out of my house and onto the wet pavement. the air felt moist from the previous downpour. when the hell would mother nature stop her endless crying? i couldn't blame her though, i felt just like her inside.

before heading out, i turned back to lock the fence. i could see my neighbors through their open kitchen window. they looked so...together. well, it took me a while to think of that word.

"good evening."

i stopped myself from jumping a foot from the sudden voice behind me. i turned just in time to see a tall woman pass me with a smile on her face.

"evening..." she was talking to me, right?

she threw a wave at me as she walked down the street. did i know her? damn, i had been outside for like—what–five minutes, and i already felt uncomfortable. i hadn't even left my own property.

breathe, nana. being alone was worse.

i slowly began walking down the street. hm...who did i talk to in school? maybe someone would want to hang out. i thought and thought for at least a good two minutes, yet no one appeared in my mind. i talked to the other students, sure. when was the last time i actually saw someone smile at me?

his face immediately came to mind. deep dark brown eyes, wide and big. eyebrow raised, heart shaped lips pulled into a smile.

damn you jeon jungkook.

there was no way that boy would want to see me. he literally ran away from talking to me today, why would he want to be with me outside of school?

just a crazy thought.

i shook my head and cleared him from my mind. there had to be someone else, anyone else. faces flashed in my mind, gathering in a mass of thoughts. i recognized so many people, yet i couldn't place a single name on them.

jeon jungkook couldn't the only person i actually knew.

minutes of thinking and standing on the wet grass in front of my house, i gave up. my shoes were soaked and my head hurt. why did i ever decide to come out? it just ended up being a painful experience.

i scoffed and turned on heel. all i wanted was to be wrapped in my warm blankets, staring at a paused movie frame while eating cold shrimp noodles. nothing more.

-

"bi nana?"

"present."

i stared at my desk as sunsaeng took attendance. the raindrops hit the window beside me with a strange amount of force, a little more than usual. it made me wonder if somewhere in the country there was thunder and lightning. not here in the city, for sure.

"jeon jungkook?"

minutes later, i heard his name called.

"present."

i glanced over at him. a few rows from mine, he sat in the middle of the room, staring at his own desk. slowly, his eyes travelled up and met mine. immediately, my gaze darted to my lap. being caught staring was one of the worst things.

"today, we will look over the math exam."

my soul left my body.

sunsaeng walked aisle by aisle, handing back yesterday's exams. she stopped by my desk, i heard a sigh, and soon enough, my exam was placed in front of me. i waited until sunsaeng was at the board before i turned the paper over.

damn.

with my paper hidden by my arm, i took another glance at jungkook. he looked at his exam carefully, his eyebrows creased in concentration. i'm guessing at least a 95 percent. meanwhile i, with a 52, didn't even take a second peek at my paper. why couldn't i be smart like him?

sunsaeng explained problem by problem. i've never felt so stupid.

-

"how did you do?"

i nearly choked on my chicken when i heard that voice. my eyes slowly travelled up from the paper box to brown eyes. he stared at me intently, his hand settled on my desk. i gulped down the food in my mouth and placed my chopsticks in the box.

"what?"

he smiled, "on the exam."

my eyes dropped down to my lunch. that question was one i was trying to avoid.

"it was hard," he muttered, "it didn't go so well for me."

i heard him shuffle slightly before a chair was pulled up next to me. eyes widened, i heard him sit down next to me. he set his elbows on the table and glanced at me.

"nana."

i let out a small cough and turned to look at him. my cheeks tinted with heat. jungkook leaned his cheek against his palm, his eyes staring at me. bottom lip caught between his teeth, those dark brown eyes.

"aren't you going to eat?" i asked him suddenly. that even surprised me.

he chuckled, "i would, i forgot to pack lunch."

i gave him a nod and looked down at my half eaten lunch. chicken with vegetables, kimchi mixed with rice.

"i'm not hungry," i pushed my box towards him, "take mine."

"no," he pushed it back, "i can't, you finish it."

this boy.

"really, take it," i slid it back in front of him, "i'm done."

"nana-" i saw his hand on the side of the lunch, ready to give it to me again.

"stop being modest, jungkook," i cut him off, "take the food."

he stopped and glanced at the food, to me, then back at the food. i could see the hesitation in his movements as he took the chopsticks from the box and picked up a piece of chicken. he looked over at me, bringing the chicken slowly towards his mouth. slowly as in slowly.

"eat it," the corners of my lips tugged up in a smile as i reached up and grabbed his hand, pushing it slightly enough so the chicken ended up in his mouth.

he looked at me with eyes widened. slowly, he chewed the food, his smile growing.

"i've never seen you like this, nana," he swallowed, "i like it."

{           a.n

i'll be updating daily for a week or so. look forward to new chapters

}