Deep Shadows (A Niall Horan Fanfiction)

chapter 1

Pain. When I woke up, I felt a tremendous pain in my chest. A pain that i can't stand anymore. And a horrible headache from all the nightmares, perhaps. All I could think about was last night. I stood up, still immortalized, to see if the nightmare of my life had already left home. What was my surprise when I realized that she hadn't only already left, as she hadn't even returned home last night. Ironic.

Today is the day.

I went back upstairs and went directly to my room... old room, starting now. I furiously threw all my clothes to my bed, even those that I didn't like. I smashed the clothes, literally, until I could put them into what seems like a small suitcase. I plucked everything that I had taped to the wall, all the little things I had hidden, I emptied all the closets, every stuff. She'll have no recollection of me, I kept thinking to myself, even though she doesn't fucking care.

I looked at the wall to my left and I found that stupid picture that my mother made us took when I was little. Me, my mother and my father. How could I be smiling? I was so innocent. At that time, everything was different. I always hated that stupid picture. I ran to the other side of the room and plucked off the picture from the wall. That shit was already there for long enough. With no mercy, I threw the damn frame with the picture against the wall in front of me. When I looked, the glass was all broken into pieces. Good. I'm not cleaning this crap for the first time, I thought. And I still had the kindness to rip the picture. I grabbed in my bags and I went downstairs rudely. I continued to do the same to all the photos I found on the way, not leaving anything to remember.

 Right now, I'm sitting in the living room table with a blank page and a pen in my hand. Yeah, I'm trying to write a letter. How coward, huh? And this is sounding like:

"Mother,

I don't know what to write at the moment, all I'll write here, you already know. I'm sick of all this. Today is a new day for me, today is the first day of my life, my real life. You know why? Because I'm tired of being a continuation of what you are, I'm tired of pretending that I'm the perfect lady, I'm tired of not being able to be what I want to be, what I really am. I'm tired of giving up my dreams because of you, because of your whims. I will not hold them back anymore. Starting from today I'll be what I am, I will not be afraid anymore to show what I am and I will also not be afraid to let people know me. I know I can be a better person without you. without your constant harassment..."

I felt a tear falling down my face as I continued to write.

"I know all the anger you have for my father, but what does that have to do with me? It's not my fault, but you continue to treat me like this. I know you never wanted to have a children and I probably was never planned, it just happened, but why such indifference? Since you've had me, because you decided to have me, why not to show a little love and care? Even if it were fake? I will never understand you.

Yes, when you get home and you find only this letter, I'll be long gone. I don't want to have any contact with you, at least for now, I don't want you to come after me, I don't want you to call me, I don't want to hear from you..."

My thoughts stopped when I remembered Andrew.

"I need you to say this to Andrew, please. What I'll tell you now, it's hard to hear, but it's true. I know that ending our relationship through this letter is not the best thing to do, and I know it's wrong, but I have no other option at this time. Tell him that I don't love him and honestly don't know if I ever loved. I always thought I loved him because he was always there for me, but I quickly realized that I was a puppet in his hands, as in yours. I know he loves me, and that it was not on purpose, but I can't continue with a person I don't love. I just kept with him because of you, because I knew he was my support. I don't want him to come after me, no calls, nothing. But make it clear that I will always care about him.

About you, maybe someday I'll be able to forgive you.

Jessica."

As I finished the letter I realized I was crying, I'm fucking weak. I wiped my tears. I got up, already with my bags in my hand and walked to the door. I was opening it when Layla, my cat, came to me.

"I'll miss you so much." I said with a trembling voice, as I pressed the button on my phone to take a last picture with her.

And without thinking I walked out the door as fast as possible.

(Heyyyy, I know this chapter was a little boring but it's the first and I promise I will update soon and that the next chapter will be more fun. Please comment and vote because I would love to know that you guys enjoyed or just tell me your opinion, I'll appreciate it!)