The Story of My Life

Doubts, Regrets, and Kindness

Mariel's first year of high school was the toughest. Why? Because once again, the people whom she called her friends were the ones who betrayed her. They began to tease and bully Mariel because of her flaws. They would call her "ugly" "panget" (Filipino word that means "ugly") "buhok mo parang walis" (Your hair is like a broom) because before Mariel's hair was really frizzy and curly unlike her hair now, which is still curly but it's now soft and manageable, and they said many more hurtful words. Mariel thought they were true friends, but they weren't. Before, she has let their words affect her. Because of that, Mariel really lost her confidence. Mariel felt like she was in third grade again, but worse. When she was in third grade there was only one person who bullied her. But now they're a group of more than five. Because she lost her confidence, Mariel left the choir. She thought she wasn't enough and the choir can still do great without her. Mariel felt depression. 

There were some times she wouldn't look at the mirror. If she does, she would cry and call herself ugly. One time, she looked at the mirror and stared at herself. Mariel cried sorrowful tears and slapped herself and calling herself "ugly" "panget ko" (I'm ugly) "Ang liit ko!" (I'm small!) "Bakit ganito itsura ko?" (Why do I look like this?) and "walang kwenta" (worthless) . Sometimes, she would herself compare to others and lose her self-esteem. She thinks she's not enough. There were also a few times she would question God. Asking why she was made like this. It was a hard time. But she has a few friends who were her classmates who stayed by her side. They were enough to keep Mariel strong.

As for the friends turned bullies, Mariel never fought back, she remained kind. Kind enough to invite them to the clubhouse for swimming. Mariel prepared, she bought chips, snacks, ordered pizza and drinks, and her family was the one who payed for the pool fee. When they came, Mariel just smiled at them and swam together with them. She chatted and talked with them as if nothing happened. Mariel forgave them even though there weren't any apologies. She thought everything will be okay again. Mariel still considers them her friends because again, she believes everyone can change and she always sees goodness behind their harsh attitude towards her.