Bits and Pieces (Short Stories and Poems)

Poem - White Noise

White Noise

The sound you get when your TV goes black and white- that static sound.

Or the banging of the pull string against the fan in the middle of the night.

Or the rain against the shutters on an ordinary Thursday morning.

These, these are the sounds that fill my mind.

No voices or songs.

Not even silence.

Just the sound of white noise repeating and playing.

No stress or negativity.

No happiness or glee.

Just meaningless white noise.

Meaningless white noise is what I look for- what I expect in my mind.

It doesn't give me a specific emotion or reaction.

It fits with everything that's going on.

When the white noise is turned off, I can be the happiest alive. But, I can also be so depressed and negative, that I push people away.

I let my emotions take control over me. 

As soon as I see those people with the confusion and disappointment in their eyes, I flip the switch back on.

I may not be positive or negative, but I'll mimic the actions of the people around me.

If someone's upset, I'm upset. If someone's happy or giddy, I'll give you more the reason. It's barely ever a good thing.

I fill my life with anyone that steps through. I act like anyone who gives me a look. I'll be so like these people, that no one notices the noise is on.

When the noise is off, I hear everything and everyone around me.

I process things and react for myself.

I realize what I'm doing. I realise what I'm causing. But I don't care.

See? That's the thing. I don't care.

The noise is usually on and I'm surviving. I may not be me or act for myself. But people like me so that's good.

No. It's not good. People like me for who they think I am. Not for who I truly am. I need to turn the switch off. I need to show who I really am and act for myself. I need to find people who love me for me and who can help me handle real life.

I can't be following other people and acting the way they are just to fit in.

Now that the switch is off, I have people who love me for me.

I have friends who know how to handle a real person because they are real themselves. They know that life isn't always going to be happy. But you have to try your best to be happy without becoming someone you're not. You need to handle it the right way. That's how you survive this life.